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For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. v. 2
It is irrefutable that health is the biggest jewel one can possess. People often consider sugar as a slow poison, being said that, there is a debate going on among a different group of people. Some people consider that the government should take initiatives to keep sugar consumption under control. While others argue that it is a responsibility of an individual to keep track of one's health. I tend to agree with the latter part of the argument and in this essay, will present my views with examples. The most significant step that the government bodies can take is passing an amendment to limit sugar in soft drinks. This would help in restricting the sugar contents among all the soft drinks. For example, it has been discovered that soda's are considered as the biggest source of rising obesity, especially in the developed countries. It is because, most of these products, helps in getting rid of food cravings. As a result, a large percentage of people skip their meal and lack nutrients to maintain health. On the other hand, everyone should give priority to their health. Nowadays, fast food has gained so much attention, as it is easy to get and saves time. People around the globe have forgotten the downside of fast food. To illustrate this, a regular McDonalds meal of two-hundred calories, contains fifty percent more sugar, in contrast to a meal cooked at home of equivalent calories. As a consequence, everyone is less prone to being healthy and more attracted to viruses. In conclusion, the government support is a huge plus in maintaining a healthy country, by restricting sugar. In my opinion, everyone's health begins at home and it takes one's own effort to maintain it. We should conserve our health in a similar manner as we conserve our treasures.
It is irrefutable that
health
is the biggest jewel one can possess.
People
often
consider
sugar
as a slow poison,
being said
that, there is a debate going on among a
different
group of
people
.
Some
people
consider that the
government
should take initiatives to
keep
sugar
consumption under control.
While
others argue that it is a responsibility of an individual to
keep
track
of one's
health
. I tend to
agree
with the latter part of the argument and in this essay, will present my views with examples.

The most significant step that the
government
bodies can take is passing an amendment to limit
sugar
in soft drinks. This would
help
in restricting the
sugar
contents among all the soft drinks.
For example
, it has
been discovered
that soda's
are considered
as the biggest source of rising obesity,
especially
in the
developed countries
. It is
because
, most of these products,
helps
in getting rid of food cravings.
As a result
, a large percentage of
people
skip their meal and lack nutrients to maintain health.

On the other hand
, everyone should give priority to their
health
. Nowadays,
fast
food has gained
so
much attention, as it is easy to
get
and saves time.
People
around the globe have forgotten the downside of
fast
food. To illustrate this, a regular
McDonalds
meal of two-hundred calories, contains fifty percent more
sugar
,
in contrast
to a meal cooked at home of equivalent calories. As a consequence, everyone is less prone to being healthy and more attracted to viruses.

In conclusion
, the
government
support is a huge plus in maintaining a healthy country, by restricting
sugar
. In my opinion, everyone's
health
begins
at home and it takes one's
own
effort to maintain it. We should conserve our
health
in a similar manner
as we conserve our treasures.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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