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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v.5

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
Since the development rapidly of the Internet and Social Media, people around the world have achieved many benefits from that such as easily accessing any information, knowledge and connecting people around the world. However, it still has some negative sides that we should consider and use it wisely. First of all, we know that Facebook is the biggest social network in the world which has over 1 billion users using regularly. Many people from children to adults like to post, share all their memories, pictures and even their status into the social network. It's more fun when adding a friend and keep in touch with people around the world. For instance, my friend can easily know what I do and where I travel just simply browsing in a social network. Nonetheless, there's still a lot of negative sides effect when sharing our content such as daily routine, personal pictures or emotion status on it. People can easily use your private information to scam others or even you'll be the victim. For example, some people use your identity to fake and scam money from others. Or they can use your private information to sell in the black market even occupy your account. In general, social media give us many benefits from connecting friends, enjoying happiness with your friend at a far distance. But it should be careful about the public any private information to the unknown person and ignore any strangers want to add friend with you. We should always take care of ourselves in order to avoid the traps.
Since the development
rapidly
of the Internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
Media,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
have achieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from that such as
easily
accessing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, knowledge and connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
However
, it
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides that we should consider and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we know that Facebook is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
which has over 1 billion users using
regularly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from children to adults like to post, share all their memories, pictures and even their status into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network. It's more fun when adding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For instance
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
can
easily
know what I do and where I travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
browsing in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network.

Nonetheless, there's
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides effect when sharing our content such as daily routine, personal pictures or emotion status on it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to scam others or even you'll be the victim.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your identity to fake and scam money from others. Or they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to sell in the black market even occupy your account.

In general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, enjoying happiness with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
at a far distance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it should be careful about the public any private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the unknown person and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
any strangers want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
with you. We should always take care of ourselves in order to avoid the traps.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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