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The main aim of advertisement campaign is to increase the sales of a certain product, but people don't really need it. To what extent you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v.1

The main aim of advertisement campaign is to increase the sales of a certain product, but people don't really need it. Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
High schools offer students to choose which way they want to continue their professional life, studying in university or getting a job. A few years ago, finding a career after school is much easier than today. In this essay I underline the causes of this problem and show how to overcome it. In the past, youth people had so many options to plan for their future after school. Choosing a profession instead of following the educational path was common between peers, but in the recent years finding a career has not been accessible for students as easy as in the past. The reason for this issue is because of the growth of technology, many companies need employees who have technological skills like familiar with some software programs. The obvious way to deal with these ideas is, student should learn these skills from academic places like colleges or universities, but the main corn of this problem is that so many students cannot afford to pay the universities ‘ fee so it can not be a good solution for everyone. In addition, the economic downturn in societies causes bankrupting of many companies, so the existing companies prefer to hire people who have had an experience background. This situation causes some difficulties for fresh workers. The most important solution for young people is to learn the practical and technological knowledge to get durable job. By saying that, it can be learned not only in university or college but also taking online courses. For example, programming is the skill that so many online websites are presented. So, it doesn’t necessary to attend to class to be professional in it. In conclusion, the technological abilities and economic recession make some problems for young school leavers to find jobs. Young peers can tackle with this situation by taking online and offline coursers which can improve their knowledge.
High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to choose which way they want to continue their professional life, studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or getting a job. A few years ago, finding a career after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is much easier than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In this essay I underline the causes of this problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how to overcome it.

In the past, youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options to plan for their future after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Choosing a profession
instead
of following the educational path was common between peers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the recent years finding a career has not been accessible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as easy as in the past. The reason for this issue is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growth of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need employees who have technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
software programs. The obvious way to deal with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should learn these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from academic places like colleges or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main corn of this problem is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot afford to pay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
‘ fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can not be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution for everyone.

In addition
, the economic downturn in societies causes bankrupting of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the existing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to hire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have had an experience background. This situation causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties for fresh workers.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
solution for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to learn the practical and technological knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
durable job. By saying that, it can
be learned
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
taking online courses.
For example
, programming is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online websites
are presented
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it doesn’t necessary to attend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to be professional in it.

In conclusion
, the technological abilities and economic recession
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems for young
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
to find jobs. Young peers can tackle with this situation by taking online and offline coursers which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay The main aim of advertisement campaign is to increase the sales of a certain product, but people don't really need it. Give your own opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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