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Describe an advertisement that you have seen recently. Please say: What was the product in the advertisement? What was the importance of the advertisement to you? What did you like about it the most? v.1

Describe an advertisement that you have seen recently. Please say: What was the product in the advertisement? What was the importance of the advertisement to you? What did you like about it the most? v. 1
Due to the technological advances in communication platforms and convenience of transportation around the world, people nowadays find it easy to work in foreign countries or as offshore employees. In my opinion, this trend has brought more drawbacks to individuals and countries than its benefits. This essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of such development before reaching a conclusion. On the one hand, fast means of transportation such as airplanes allowed people to travel easily and freely, and hence accept jobs in locations that would not be an option for them in normal situations. Some developing countries, such as Libya and Venezuela, import oil experts to help them discover and explore new oil and gas opportunities. If it had not been for the current advances in transportations, it would have been difficult to have these experts on a regular basis. Another advantage is that the current revolution in communication methods, such as video calls and faster Internet speeds, helped in creating a new market for imported jobs. For instance, India nowadays is exporting its services in call center -offshore over the phone customer service- to a number of multinational companies because of their efficiency and lower cost. Therefore, it can be understood why some people consider this as a positive development. On the other hand, despite the advantages mentioned above, this trend has caused a lot of serious consequences. Firstly, due to the total dependence on foreign employees in some fields, local citizens find themselves stuck in specific roles in certain industries without having the opportunity to step up and occupy a leading role in such fields. Egypt, for example, relies on foreign companies to dig huge tunnels without passing the know-how of such industry to its local engineers. In addition to that, some countries now suffer from a shortage of local employees to cover certain jobs such as customer service agents, and Canada is a prime example of this, due to their total dependence on offshore hiring for such occupations. Thus, it is clear to me that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of this development. In conclusion, faster communications and transportation means allowed more people to travel easily and work freely, and new opportunities to be created. However, in my opinion, the negative impacts due to such a trend, in terms of excluding local citizens in certain jobs and market shortage in others, far outweigh the positives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to the technological advances in communication platforms and convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays find it easy to work in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or as offshore employees. In my opinion, this trend has brought more drawbacks to individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than its benefits. This essay will discuss both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of such development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a conclusion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
such as airplanes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel
easily
and
freely
, and
hence
accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in locations that would not be an option for them in normal situations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, such as Libya and Venezuela, import oil experts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them discover and explore new oil and gas opportunities. If it had not been for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
, it would have been difficult to have these experts on a regular basis. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
revolution in communication methods, such as video calls and faster Internet speeds,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in creating a new market for imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, India nowadays is exporting its services in call center -offshore over the phone customer service- to a number of multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their efficiency and lower cost.
Therefore
, it can
be understood
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

On the other hand
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
mentioned above, this trend has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
serious consequences.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the total dependence on foreign employees in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens find themselves stuck in specific roles in certain industries without having the opportunity to step up and occupy a leading role in such fields. Egypt,
for example
, relies on foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to dig huge tunnels without passing the know-how of such industry to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
engineers.
In addition
to that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suffer from a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
employees to cover certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as customer service agents, and Canada is a prime example of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to their total dependence on offshore hiring for such occupations.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to me that the disadvantages outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of this development.

In conclusion
, faster communications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel
easily
and work
freely
, and new opportunities to
be created
.
However
, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to such a trend, in terms of excluding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and market shortage in others, far outweigh the positives.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Describe an advertisement that you have seen recently. Please say: What was the product in the advertisement? What was the importance of the advertisement to you? What did you like about it the most? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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