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The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK resident in 1999. v.2

The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK resident in 1999. v. 2
It is often believed that being unemployed is better than doing a job which person does not enjoy. In my opinion, I think that instead of staying idle it is always better to do a job as it is also a source of income. This essay will explain the same. One of the reasons for doing any available job is that it will give a chance to earn money which can be used for one's betterment. One can also do some part time employment to support pursuing a career of their choice. For example, if someone wants to become an actor and is not getting a better play or cinema of his or her choice, then they can do a part time job till that time. Secondly, empty mind is the devils home. Seating idle is not the best option or an excuse to get an offer in one's field of choice. This approach not only may lead to more negativity in the society, but also may provoke criminal behaviour in young generation. In addition to this, doing a job in different fields gives a chance to learn a vast set of skills which ultimately beneficial for a dream career. These days, we see that every field is related to every other field to a certain extent, having experience in different fields will help a person to excel in his or her dream career. For instance development in IT industry works closely with the business operations of many other industries. To conclude, I strongly think that rather than being unemployed and doing nothing, it is always better to accept any job not only to support life's betterment but also to improve business and interpersonal skills.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
being unemployed
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which person does not enjoy. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
instead
of staying idle it is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as it is
also
a source of income. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the same.

One of the reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
any available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is that it will give a chance to earn money which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for one's betterment. One can
also
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
employment to support pursuing a career of their choice.
For example
, if someone wants to become an actor and is not getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
play or cinema of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
choice, then they can do a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
till that time.
Secondly
, empty mind is the devils home. Seating idle is not the best option or an excuse to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an offer in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of choice. This approach not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
may lead to more negativity in the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
may provoke criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in young generation.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
gives a chance to learn a vast set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
ultimately
beneficial for a dream career. These days, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
is related
to every other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
to a certain extent, having experience in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person to excel in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
dream career.
For instance
development in IT industry works
closely
with the business operations of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other industries.

To conclude
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
rather
than
being unemployed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
nothing, it is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to accept any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to support life's betterment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
business and interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The line graph shows visits to and from the UK from 1979 to 1999, and the bar graph shows the most popular countries visited by UK resident in 1999. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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