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The line charts compare the number of people who emigrate and immigrate in the UK while the bar graph shows the net of migration between 1999 and 2008. v.1

The line charts compare the number of people who emigrate and immigrate in the UK while the bar graph shows the net of migration between 1999 and 2008. v. 1
It is true that happiness is very important in people's life, but some people have different views about how to be happy. This essay will discuss the reasons that makes happiness difficult to understand and the things how to attain it. There are things that can make a person happy, while others do not such as a stable job, a beautiful house, and winning a lottery. A person will be happy with his life if is able to feed his family by having a permanent job. Also, if the house is decent, he will be happy to see how comfortable life is to live in a place with wonderful furniture and appliances. Finally, winning a huge sum of money is a dream coming true for most people. However, others do not like to buy lottery tickets because some people believe that once they have won the lottery, they might put their family's life at risk, perhaps, they think somebody will try to kidnap their kids and ask for a ransom. On the other hand, there are simple factors in attaining happiness. For example, when a family of five could meet the basic needs such as food, clothing and a house, these could make a family satisfied with what they already have in life as long as they are together. Another example is being able to pass an English proficiency test to be qualified to become a registered nurse in Canada. Most foreign workers would be very glad if they could pursue their career after passing such a test. In conclusion, people have their own meaning of happiness and there are reasons why certain things make them happy such as basic needs or passing an examination test.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. This essay will discuss the reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
difficult to understand and the things how to attain it.

There are things that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, while others do not such as a stable job, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and winning a lottery. A person will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
if is able to feed his family by having a permanent job.
Also
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is decent, he will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a place with wonderful furniture and appliances.
Finally
, winning a huge sum of money is a dream coming true for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, others do not like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
lottery tickets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that once they have won the lottery, they might put their family's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, perhaps, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
somebody will try to kidnap their kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
a ransom.

On the other hand
, there are simple factors in attaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For example
, when a family of five could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic needs such as food, clothing and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, these could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a family satisfied with what they already have in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as long as they are together. Another example is being able to pass an English proficiency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
to
be qualified
to become a registered nurse in Canada. Most foreign workers would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
glad if they could pursue their career after passing such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and there are reasons why certain things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
such as basic needs or passing an examination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line charts compare the number of people who emigrate and immigrate in the UK while the bar graph shows the net of migration between 1999 and 2008. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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