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The line graph shows the number of people affected by rift valley fever in three countries in 1915 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The line graph shows the number of people affected by rift valley fever in three countries in 1915
Nowadays, Population is immensely increased due to this there is a chance of pollution So, People are likely taught to use cycles in the cities for this government should spend money to aware of bicycles. Some points out that they mainly should focus on public transportation, which is so beneficial to local people. Let's discuss the both sides and which will be elucidated in this essay. To commence with, How the technology is growing in the same way the overpopulation as well. The authority is likely to promote the green culture by promoting bicycles. To exemplify, Children going to school by cycle are diurnal because of this there is no pollution. It's better for government to give free cycles to the cities However we can reduce the cost of the cycle too. Impending days it is quite helpful to control pollution this could be done by us by using low pollution vehicles. When it comes cycle we do not worry about damage, pollution or repair. On the other hand, This is a good chance of developing public transport if state tends to do. For human beings trains and buses are quite useful for travelling long distances. For instance, for the middle class people are likely live in one place and commute to work at long distances for the sake of them government should invest some money on trains and make them clean every day which attracts a lot of local people In addition to this same for bus also. More ever, They can have buy more buses for peoples' welfare. There is a chance of increasing economy. Authority improving the transport facilities idea is incredible which helps a lot of travelling people. In conclusion, Developing cities should focus on transport facilities because they are likely to move from one place to another place. For the people who are travelling short distances best to use bicycles. I personally feel the state should spend money on both moreover, best to spend on public transportation it is more helpful.
Nowadays, Population is
immensely
increased due to this there is a chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
taught to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycles
in the cities for this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend money to aware of bicycles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
points out that they
mainly
should focus on public transportation, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
beneficial to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss the both sides and which will
be elucidated
in this essay.

To commence with, How the technology is growing
in the same way
the overpopulation
as well
. The authority is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to promote the green culture by promoting bicycles. To exemplify, Children going to school by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
are diurnal
because of this
there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. It's better for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to give free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycles
to the cities
However
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
too. Impending days it is quite helpful to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
this could
be done
by us by using low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
vehicles. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycle
we do not worry about damage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
or repair.

On the other hand
, This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance of developing public transport if state tends to do. For human beings trains and buses are quite useful for travelling long distances.
For instance
, for the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in one place and commute to work at long distances for the sake of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money on trains and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them clean every day which attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
In addition
to this same for bus
also
. More ever, They can have
Use past participle here: "bought".
buy
more buses for peoples' welfare. There is a chance of increasing economy. Authority improving the transport facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is incredible which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, Developing cities should focus on transport facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
likely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from one place to another place. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are travelling short distances best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles. I
personally
feel the state should spend money on both
moreover
, best to spend on public transportation it is more helpful.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The line graph shows the number of people affected by rift valley fever in three countries in 1915

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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