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Many people think that money to be most important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give answer with relevant factors. v.1

Many people think that money to be most important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give answer with relevant factors. v. 1
Many people believe that a person can never understand the culture of any province if they are not familiar with the language of that region. This essay agrees with this opinion because communication is a key factor in knowing the traditions of different areas. The view points are discussed in further ensuring paragraphs. First and foremost, learning language is very important to communicate with the local public of the any country. By knowing they can talk with the native people about the history, their rituals that they follow during festivals, ceremonies or any events, even the origination of that specific area or country. For instance, For centuries different tribal peoples inhabitants in major part of Africa. To learn about their tradition, their history, the individual needs to learn the local language to interact with them. Thus, communication in a local accent plays vital role in learning about the significance of the region. Secondly, every language has a different origin and every country have their different native language. By learning new languages person can not only get exposed to new traditions, but also gets more familiar with the people living in that place. Everybody feels a special bond with people talking in their mother tongue. For example, In Rome, people use to talk in the Latin language in their ancient times. If a traveller knows Latin, it becomes easy for them to get information about their cultures like food items, clothing styles, about their emperors and much more. To recapitulate, I would pen down, saying that, the communicating in the native language is very important to understand the ancient tradition and cultures of any countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a person can never understand the culture of any province if they are not familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of that region. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
communication is a key factor in knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
areas. The view points
are discussed
in
further
ensuring paragraphs.

First
and foremost, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to communicate with the local public of the any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. By knowing they can talk with the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the history, their rituals that they follow during festivals, ceremonies or any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, even the origination of that specific area or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
, For centuries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
tribal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
inhabitants in major part of Africa. To learn about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
, their history, the individual needs to learn the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to interact with them.
Thus
, communication in a local accent plays vital role in learning about the significance of the region.

Secondly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
origin and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. By learning new
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "languages'" or "language's"?
languages
person can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in that place. Everybody feels a special bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
talking in their mother tongue.
For example
, In Rome,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
talk in the Latin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in their ancient times. If a
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
knows Latin, it becomes easy for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about their cultures like food items, clothing styles, about their emperors and much more.

To recapitulate, I would pen down, saying that, the communicating in the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and cultures of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that money to be most important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give answer with relevant factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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