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Line graph-describing trendThe graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

Line graph-describing trendThe graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5.
From time immemorial, there had been people who accept their fates and surrender to the challenging situations, and then there are those who face these challenges with rigour to aim higher. While surrendering to real-life situations might appear to be an obvious choice, it is crucial to focus on dealing with life's difficult situations. Surrendering to challenging situations may be beneficial. This is because people facing financial issues might have to accept difficult situations such as low paying unsatisfactory jobs, in order to, support their families, so that there are no worries to meet day-to-day expenses. In addition, accepting the reality, for instance, shortage of money, could turn fruitful in future as it would not become a topic of confrontations, for example, a division of the family's assets, within the family and members would live a stress-free life. Moreover, they would not contract lifestyle diseases such as depression and anxiety which are prevalent among those who strive for affluence. Hence, this practice might benefit people in varied ways. However, life's situations can be improved dramatically by putting in concentrated efforts which surely help in leading a joyous life. Most importantly, challenging situations must be responded effectively, by working hard, as hard work will always bear fruitful results, such as recognition and promotion, on the job which will, in turn, make people satisfied. Furthermore, everyone wishes to live a comfortable life, so it is important to focus on things which one likes, for example, learning and taking up projects of one's interest, as it will lead to phenomenal and pleasurable experiences. Thus, regular endeavours to make life better is the key to live a happy life. In conclusion, it is evident that while accepting bad situations might seem to be beneficial, facing these challenges up front is far more gratifying in the long-term. If people truly wish to enrich their lives with extraordinary experiences and luxuries, they should be ready to take up challenges to fulfil their dreams.
From time immemorial, there had been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who accept their fates and surrender to the challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, and then there are those who face these challenges with
Possible spelling mistake. 'rigour' is British English.
rigour
to aim higher. While surrendering to real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
appear to be an obvious choice, it is crucial to focus on dealing with life's difficult situations.

Surrendering to challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
may be beneficial. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
facing financial issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
such as low paying unsatisfactory jobs, in order to, support their families,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there are no worries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
day-to-day expenses.
In addition
, accepting the reality,
for instance
, shortage of money, could turn fruitful in future as it would not become a topic of confrontations,
for example
, a division of the family's assets, within the family and members would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, they would not contract lifestyle diseases such as depression and anxiety which are prevalent among those who strive for affluence.
Hence
, this practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in varied ways.

However
, life's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
dramatically
by putting in concentrated efforts which
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in leading a joyous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Most
importantly
, challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be responded
effectively
, by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work will always bear fruitful results, such as recognition and promotion, on the job which will, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfied.
Furthermore
, everyone wishes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to focus on things which one likes,
for example
, learning and taking up projects of one's interest, as it will lead to phenomenal and pleasurable experiences.
Thus
, regular
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
better is the key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a happy life.

In conclusion
, it is evident that while accepting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem to be beneficial, facing these challenges up front is far more gratifying in the long-term. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
truly
wish to enrich their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with extraordinary experiences and luxuries, they should be ready to take up challenges to fulfil their dreams.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Line graph-describing trendThe graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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