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The column graph shows the rate of consumers in three age group taking healthy food between 2011 and 2016 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The column graph shows the rate of consumers in three age group taking healthy food between 2011 and 2016
It is considered by some that university students should choose their own major, while others think that they should be limited to subjects that are beneficial in the future. Although these subjects are important, I believe that students should be free to learn whatever subject they want. On the one hand, some people argue that students ought to be free to choose their field, and I agree. If they are forced to study a certain subject, it would stifle their creativity and doom them to fail. However, studying a major that they love allows them to be creative and succeed. For example, if a student is talented in art, it would be unfair to waste their talent and force them to study science. Another benefit is that countries need all professions and restricting students to certain fields can destroy the balance in the job market. In order for a country to thrive, it needs designers, doctors, mechanics, farmers, as well as artists. On the other hand, others think that students should only learn subjects that are useful in the future. Due to the heavy reliance on technology nowadays, there are more job opportunities for scientists. As a consequence, science and IT graduates can get good jobs and earn high salaries. Furthermore, it can improve the economic progress of countries since scientists are the driving force of companies. For instance, if there are more science and IT graduates, then more businesses would flourish due to having qualified employees. However, studying these subjects only has severe consequences as the job market will lose its balance. In conclusion, while people have varying perspectives, I believe that allowing students to follow their passion and learn what they love is more advantageous than restricting them to science and technology.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should choose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
major, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they should
be limited
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are beneficial in the future. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be free to learn whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
they want.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ought to be free to choose their field, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. If they
are forced
to study a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, it would stifle their creativity and doom them to fail.
However
, studying a major that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be creative and succeed.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is talented
in art, it would be unfair to waste their talent and force them to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. Another benefit is that countries need all professions and restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to certain fields can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the balance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market. In order for a country to thrive, it needs designers, doctors, mechanics, farmers,
as well
as artists.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that are useful in the future. Due to the heavy reliance on technology nowadays, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for scientists. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and IT graduates can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and earn high salaries.
Furthermore
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economic progress of countries since scientists are the driving force of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, if there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and IT graduates, then more businesses would flourish due to having qualified employees.
However
, studying these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has severe consequences as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market will lose its balance.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have varying perspectives, I believe that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to follow their passion and learn what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is more advantageous than restricting them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and technology.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The column graph shows the rate of consumers in three age group taking healthy food between 2011 and 2016

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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