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The internet has vastly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? v.1

The internet has vastly increased our access to information. v. 1
In the twenty-first century with a discovery the internet, people received access to an enormous quantity of information which initially was almost without control, that led to controversial aftermaths. Overall, I think the internet is partially good because it has a profitable part with plenty of drawbacks. On the one hand, few people can decline the fact that the virtual space has a plethora of information that plays an educational role, spreads awareness and uses for fun. For example, the pupils can find educational books with the tutors around the world who help understand the text. Likewise, presently, scientist and some the authors prefer upload initially on the internet their books and the research, thereby they are broadening quantity of data that the World Wide Web has. Furthermore, the news is received immediately around the world, so people obtain information about the pandemic and other global trouble faster than before. Notwithstanding, the virtual space, due to novelty, has many problems with filtration of junk information and the virtual viruses that accompany many of the sites. For instance, the pupils with a search particular information via Google occasionally can open the sites with the adult contents. Moreover, the internet has a low of security level, due to throughout the time uncover new type of frauds, so the antivirus software frequently fails their responsibilities. Besides, many people use the open information in the virtual space in the dark goals such as hack thereafter erase data or pervert the facts. To conclude, the World Wide Web initially had good aims, however, for reason novelty and unpredictable behaviour the virtual fraudulent presently it has ambiguous value in our life. Therefore, I believe that with a diminishing of such problems the internet turn to more profit side than it has now.
In the twenty-
first
century with a discovery the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
received access to an enormous quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which
initially
was almost without control, that led to controversial aftermaths.
Overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the internet is
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has a profitable part with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of drawbacks.

On the one hand, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can decline the fact that the virtual space has a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that plays an educational role, spreads awareness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
for fun.
For example
, the pupils can find educational books with the tutors around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
understand the text.
Likewise
,
presently
, scientist and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
the authors prefer upload
initially
on the internet their books and the research, thereby they are broadening quantity of data that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Wide Web has.
Furthermore
, the news
is received
immediately around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the pandemic and other global trouble faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Notwithstanding, the virtual space, due to novelty, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems with filtration of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and the virtual viruses that accompany
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the sites.
For instance
, the pupils with a search particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
via Google
occasionally
can open the sites with the adult contents.
Moreover
, the internet has a low of security level, due to throughout the time uncover new type of frauds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the antivirus software
frequently
fails their responsibilities.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in the virtual space in the dark goals such as hack thereafter erase data or pervert the facts.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Wide Web
initially
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
aims,
however
, for reason novelty and unpredictable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
the virtual fraudulent
presently
it has ambiguous value in our life.
Therefore
, I believe that with a diminishing of such problems the internet turn to more profit side than it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet has vastly increased our access to information. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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