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The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people’s ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people’s ideas. with this statement? v. 2
Media has played a crucial role in spreading information all over the world. Therefore, some people believe that media sources such as TV, radio, and newspapers are influencing the people's thoughts. I completely agree with the statement, and will discuss about it in the essay. Firstly, various huge international events are presented in an exaggerating manner by TV channels. The reason is that big capitalists spend money on these events and also finance the media to publicise them. For instance, IPL, a renowned cricket league organised each year in India, and it gets so much attention from Indian media that crazy fans buy the advance tickets for the matches due to which sponsors earn a lot of money and make huge profits. Thus, it can be said that the press could contribute significantly in persuading the masses to follow a certain culture. Secondly, media sources like newspapers, television and radio also have a considerable role to play in making certain opinions about the personalities. In other words, they portray the image of an ill person in a positive way and vice versa due to which sometimes folks start trusting the wicked ones. To illustrate, at the time of elections, some news channels become bias, and start indirect campaigning in favour of criminal politicians due to which sometimes they even win the elections. In contrast, if the information media leave the task of painting the personalities, then greedy politicians could never take advantage of the innocent public. In conclusion, although many times media become partial, and present only one side of stories, it has a bigger impact in manipulating people's ideas. However, their job is to present the truth and talk in favour of the citizens and not of some bigwigs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Media
has played a crucial role in spreading information all over the world.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sources such as TV, radio, and newspapers are influencing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's thoughts. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, and will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the essay.

Firstly
, various huge international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are presented
in an exaggerating manner by TV channels. The reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
capitalists spend money on these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
also
finance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'publicise' is British English.
publicise
them.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPL
, a renowned cricket league
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
each year in India, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much attention from Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
that crazy fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the advance tickets for the matches due to which sponsors earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge profits.
Thus
, it can
be said
that the press could contribute
significantly
in persuading the masses to follow a certain culture.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sources like newspapers, television and radio
also
have a considerable role to play in making certain opinions about the personalities.
In other words
, they portray the image of an ill person in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way and vice versa due to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
trusting the wicked ones. To illustrate, at the time of elections,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
news channels become bias, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
indirect campaigning in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of criminal politicians due to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they even win the elections.
In contrast
, if the information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the task of painting the personalities, then greedy politicians could never take advantage of the innocent public.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
become partial, and present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one side of stories, it has a bigger impact in manipulating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
However
, their job is to present the truth and talk in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the citizens and not of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bigwigs.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The mass media, including TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people’s ideas. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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