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Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 278 v.33

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 278 v. 33
It is an often discussed topic whether a child can acquire a greater range of useful abilities by enjoying diverse fun activities instead of reading. I think that utilization of children’s excessive free time for video-gaming and participating in athletic events greatly benefits to their ingenuity and attitude. Although reading has numerous benefits, playing game consoles is a powerful way of facilitating creative thinking. This is because playing games can lower the barriers of established behavioural norms and routines by offering new rules and sometimes even new realities. For example, a study conducted by MIT showed that high school students playing one hour daily on consoles such as Play-station and Nintendo outperformed their counterparts by 25 percent in doing brain teasers. Therefore, engaging in game consoles has proved successful in fostering creativity skills that are neglected by just reading. Next, participation in sports competition contributes to developmental outcomes for a healthy lifestyle rather than individualization over reading. This is due to the fact that through competitive sport children can learn about physical, social, and cognitive skills. For instance, an article from Nature implied how the influence of coaches and family members that children receive throughout sports events was important for children’s social, psychological and emotional transformation. Consequently, sport is a great alternative to reading and a powerful tool that allow youngsters to develop self-confidence and emotional maturity. To conclude from the examples and arguments given I firmly believe that performing entertaining activities gives a child permission to think and behave differently, and this is where the magic starts to happen.
It is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
discussed topic whether a child can acquire a greater range of useful abilities by enjoying diverse fun activities
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that utilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
excessive free time for video-gaming and participating in athletic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
greatly
benefits to their ingenuity and attitude.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
has numerous benefits, playing game consoles is a powerful way of facilitating creative thinking. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
playing games can lower the barriers of established
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
norms and routines by offering new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even new realities.
For example
, a study conducted by MIT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that high school students playing one hour daily on consoles such as Play-station and Nintendo outperformed their counterparts by 25 percent in doing brain teasers.
Therefore
, engaging in game consoles has proved successful in fostering creativity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
are neglected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading.

Next
, participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition contributes to developmental outcomes for a healthy lifestyle
rather
than individualization over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
This is due to the fact that
through competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn about physical, social, and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, an article from Nature implied how the influence of coaches and family members that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
receive throughout
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social, psychological and emotional transformation.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a great alternative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and a powerful tool that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
youngsters to develop self-confidence and emotional maturity.

To conclude
from the examples and arguments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
I
firmly
believe that performing entertaining activities gives a child permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and behave
differently
, and this is where the magic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to happen.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and more creativity than reading. Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer. v. 278 v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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