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The internet has greatly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? v.3

The internet has greatly increased our access to information. v. 3
There is no deny that today is an era of internet and telecommunications. We live in world of mobiles, televisions, computer systems and laptops being connected to internet all around the clock. I believe having such kind of connectivity aids us in access to vast pool of knowledge for any individual and in this essay, I will put forward my views and support why it is a advantageous to have so. To begin with, in internet we can browse and view myriad of topics. For instance, topics including cooking, travelling, music, dance and many others are available for anyone one to teach themselves life skill or even enjoy. Previously, people were not having such plethora of information content at one place and so it is great boon to have at a singular place as it reduces effort and time. In addition, to that knowledge about world such as what, where of any place helps a new person or traveler to see and explore the place which was not possible earlier. To illustrate, using Google Maps from internet can give you details of your near by locality or distant corner of world just within few clicks. Hence, I state that the benefits of internet will continue to proliferate in coming years. Secondly, since internet can be access by anyone and anywhere in the world, it is being sustainably used for education. Today, children from rural and places which are hard to reach because of geographical barriers are learning and educated via online classes. To add to that point, there are multifarious points being free, fast and easily accessible such a medium is further helping to reduce illiteracy rate. For example, in India government has started a movement called "Digital India" which primarily focus on connecting villages to cities via latest telecommunication services. So, having such initiatives is to explore all corners of internet as a information powerhouse. In conclusion, I opine there are far too many advantages of having such access to information pool from the internet. Furthermore, all government should take active step in building sustainable infrastructure for better and faster internet.
There is no deny that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is an era of internet and telecommunications. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of mobiles, televisions, computer systems and laptops
being connected
to internet all around the clock. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such kind of connectivity aids us in access to vast pool of knowledge for any individual and in this essay, I will put forward my views and support why it is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
advantageous to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in internet we can browse and view myriad of topics.
For instance
, topics including cooking, travelling, music, dance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others are available for anyone one to teach themselves life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
or even enjoy. Previously,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such plethora of information content at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is great boon to have at a singular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
effort and time.
In addition
, to that knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
such as what, where of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a new person or traveler to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
which was not possible earlier. To illustrate, using Google Maps from internet can give you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of your
Did you mean "nearby"?
near by
locality or distant corner of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
within few clicks.
Hence
, I state that the benefits of internet will continue to proliferate in coming years.

Secondly
, since internet can be access by anyone and anywhere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, it is being
sustainably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for education.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, children from rural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of geographical barriers are learning and educated via online classes. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to that point, there are multifarious points being free,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
easily
accessible such a medium is
further
helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
illiteracy rate.
For example
, in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a movement called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Digital India
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which
primarily
focus on connecting villages to cities via
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
telecommunication services.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such initiatives is to explore all corners of internet as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
information powerhouse.

In conclusion
, I opine there are far too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
such access to information pool from the internet.
Furthermore
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take active step in building sustainable infrastructure for better and faster internet.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The internet has greatly increased our access to information. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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