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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.7

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 7
Many People hold a viewpoint that children are spending more time watching T. V these days, but it can never be equivalent to the books with respect to providing knowledge. I partially agree with this statement and I will be enlightening at the same to support my point of view. Firstly, I believe that nowadays School curriculum are structured in such a way that kids hardly get any free time to do any other thing then studying and extracurricular activities conducted in schools. For example – Many schools organize extra classes for self-defence, Drama or Art to name a few after regular classes. Secondly, when children get some free time they choose to play outside with their friends rather than staying indoors and watching TV. In addition to this, since kids these days are so busy with catching up to their schedule, if they watch television in their free time for a limited period, it adds to their knowledge and refresh their mind as well, however parents should always keep an eye on them as to which channel or programs they have subscribed to. Parents or elders should always make sure that programs accessed by children are educational or entertaining in a good way. Furthermore, nowadays there are many shows, which are especially directed to children. For example- Dora the explorer, while watching this show kids not only get entertained, but they also learn new vocabulary and it also help to build their geography knowledge. To recapitulate, Children has got a lot on their plate that they barely get any leisure time to watch Television and whenever they get some, Parents should always be around to make sure that they are not spending so much time in front of a T. V set. Also, young generation in the present era is far more well –educated and smarter than the kids in the past as the education system at present developed and enhanced so much. Needless to say, that books are the primary source of education which can never be replaced by an idiot box.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold a viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching T. V these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can never be equivalent to the books with respect to providing knowledge.

I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and I will be enlightening at the same to support my point of view.

Firstly
, I believe that nowadays School curriculum
are structured
in such a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do any other thing then studying and extracurricular activities conducted in schools.
For example
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
schools organize extra classes for
Possible spelling mistake. 'self-defence' is British English.
self-defence
, Drama or Art to name a few after regular classes.

Secondly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they choose to play outside with their friends
rather
than staying indoors and watching TV.
In addition
to this, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
these days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with catching up to their schedule, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for a limited period, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to their knowledge and refresh their mind
as well
,
however
parents should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on them as to which channel or programs they have subscribed to. Parents or elders should always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that programs accessed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are educational or entertaining in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.

Furthermore
, nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, which are
especially
directed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
- Dora the explorer, while watching this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertained,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
learn new vocabulary and it
also
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to build their geography knowledge.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a lot on their plate that they
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Television and whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, Parents should always be around to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they are not spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of a T. V set.
Also
, young generation in the present era is far more
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "well-educated".
well –educated
and smarter than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in the past as the education system at present developed and enhanced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. Needless to say, that books are the primary source of education which can never
be replaced
by an idiot box.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 7

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.7