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Health experts believe that walking is a good exercise for health. However people are walking less nowadays. Why is this happening? And give possible solutions v.3

Health experts believe that walking is a good exercise for health. However people are walking less nowadays. Why is this happening? And give possible solutions v. 3
• Of late, not enough walking is the prevailing concern in the significant part of the world. A sea change has been witnessed regarding the health issues which are caused by lack of walking exercise. The following paragraphs would elucidate the causes of the problem and propose a handful of remedial measures • To commence with reasons, first and foremost one is, people are so much busy in their work as they have become workaholic and they did not get enough time for doing other activities. Secondly, most of the cities are built in such a way that citizens are afraid to walk on the road because there is no different pathways rather than roads so that people can walk easily. Adding few more points, due to the construction of new buildings in town citizens do not find an appropriate path for walking. Additionally, there are many gardens and pathways have been demolished for such development, artificial development of the town is also a main reason to extinct walk • furthermore, technology advancement has taken in every field so it has definitely boosted the automobile sectors and almost all the human beings owns a private vehicle and it do not allow them to go anywhere on foot. No matter how much short distance they have to travel they would prefer a vehicle • Undoubtedly, every lock has a key, therefore, looking towards the solution foremost one is, the advertisement sector should be encouraging more on the benefits of walking and also aware the general public about the problem caused by not working at all. In addition to this, local government should develop a separate path for walking only so, people can communicate on foot without any hesitation of an accident. moreover, individuals should use bicycles for travelling short distances as driving bicycle can be beficial for a person's health and gain as much benefits as he can get by walking To sum up, It can be said that the people in the street must be aware of the health issues which might be caused by lack of walking daily
• Of late, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
walking is the prevailing concern in the significant part of the world. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
regarding the health issues which
are caused
by lack of walking exercise. The following paragraphs would elucidate the causes of the problem and propose a handful of remedial
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
measures


• To commence with reasons,
first
and foremost one is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much busy in their work as they have become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workaholic and
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for doing other activities.
Secondly
, most of the cities
are built
in such a way that citizens are afraid to walk on the road
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pathways
rather
than roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can walk
easily
. Adding few more points, due to the construction of new buildings in town citizens do not find an appropriate path for walking.
Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gardens and pathways have
been demolished
for such development, artificial development of the town is
also
a main reason to extinct walk

• 
furthermore
, technology advancement has taken in every field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has definitely boosted the automobile sectors and almost all the human beings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
a private vehicle and it
Did you mean "does"?
do
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to go anywhere on foot. No matter how much short distance they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel they would prefer a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
vehicle


• 
Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key,
therefore
, looking towards the solution foremost one is, the advertisement sector should be encouraging more on the benefits of walking and
also
aware the
Consider using "public".
general public
about the problem caused by not working at all.
In addition
to this, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should develop a separate path for walking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate on foot without any hesitation of an accident.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bicycles for travelling short distances as driving bicycle can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
beficial
for a person's health and gain as
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
benefits as he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by walking

To sum up, It can
be said
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the street
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of the health issues which might
be caused
by lack of walking daily
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Health experts believe that walking is a good exercise for health. However people are walking less nowadays. Why is this happening? And give possible solutions v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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