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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v.3

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 3
It has been suggested that high school students should be involved in unpaid community services as a compulsory part of high school programmes. Most of the colleges are already providing opportunities to gain work experience, however these are not compulsory. In my opinion, sending students to work in community services is a good idea as it can provide them with many lots of valuable skills. Life skills are very important and by doing voluntary work, students can learn how to communicate with others and work in a team, but also how to manage their time and improve their organisational skills Nowadays, unfortunately teenagers do not have many after-school activities. After school clubs are no longer that popular and students, mostly go home and sit in front of the TV, browse the internet or play video games. By giving them Compulsory work activities with charitable or community originations, they will be encouraged to do something ore creative Skills gained through compulsory work will not only be an asset on their CV but also increase their employability. Students will also gain more respect towards work and money as they will realise that it is not that easy to earn them and hopefully will learn to spend then in a more practical way. Healthy life balance and exercise are strongly promoted by the NHS, and therefore any kind of spare time charity work will prevent from sitting and doing nothing. It could also possibly reduce the crime level in the high school age group. If students have activities to do, they will not be bored and come up with silly ideas which can be dangerous for them or their surroundings. In conclusion, I think this is a very good idea, and I hope this programme will be put into action for high schools/colleges shortly.
It has
been suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be involved
in unpaid community services as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. Most of the colleges are already providing opportunities to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience,
however
these are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
. In my opinion, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in community services is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as it can provide them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lots of valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and by doing voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how to communicate with others and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a team,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
how to manage their time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisational' is British English.
organisational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
Nowadays, unfortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
after-school activities. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
clubs are no longer that popular and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
mostly
go home and sit in front of the TV, browse the internet or play video games.

By giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
activities with charitable or community originations, they will
be encouraged
to do something ore creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skills
gained through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be an asset on their CV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase their employability.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will
also
gain more respect towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and money as they will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that it is not that easy to earn them and
hopefully
will learn to spend then in a more practical way.

Healthy life balance and exercise are
strongly
promoted by the NHS, and
therefore
any kind of spare time charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from sitting and doing nothing. It could
also
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime level in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age group. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have activities to do, they will not
be bored
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with silly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them or their surroundings.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, and I hope this
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
will
be put
into action for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
schools/colleges shortly.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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