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The internet has greatly increased our access to information. To what extent do you think this is a good thing? v.16

The internet has greatly increased our access to information. v. 16
There has been a remarkable increase in the number of people who use the internet that has expanded speedily for more than a decade. Because of this development of the internet provide numerous benefits for people such as reaching wide studies whenever they want. In this essay, I will show why I agree with these statements by giving some examples. On the one hand, it cannot negligible that the internet has gone into in all stages of our lives. In addition, the usage of this has become very easy. Moreover, much more knowledge has become more accessible due to this widespread technology. For instance, when I was a university student, the internet was an inseparable part of me. Because of the fact that I was able to find all of the information that I need for my lessons. Secondly, one of the major benefits of the prevalent cyber world is that people can learn what is happening in other countries constantly. A large number of social media establishments ensure much contemporary news from at the end of the world. Subsequent to the improvements of the internet, the world has become a tiny place. Therefore, all people find social media helpful as helps them to reach any requirements of theirs. For example, when an epidemic disease breaks out all over the world, every discovery about the illness is published through the internet. To sum up, in light of these informations that mentioned above, it can be clearly said that we cannot abandon this source of data. Last but not least, all of the things that those are a necessity for us is uploaded there by the people and there is no similar space to replace the internet.
There has been a remarkable increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet that has expanded
speedily
for more than a decade.
Because of this
development of the internet provide numerous benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as reaching wide studies whenever they want. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with these statements by giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.

On the one hand, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
cannot negligible
that the internet has gone into in all stages of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
, the usage of this has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy.
Moreover
, much more knowledge has become more accessible due to this widespread technology.
For instance
, when I was a university student, the internet was an inseparable part of me.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
Because of the fact that
I was able to find
Consider using "all the".
all of the
information that I need for my lessons.

Secondly
, one of the major benefits of the prevalent cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn what is happening in other countries
constantly
.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
social media establishments ensure much contemporary news from at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
Consider using "after"
Subsequent to
the improvements of the internet, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has become a tiny place.
Therefore
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find social media helpful as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to reach any requirements of theirs.
For example
, when an epidemic disease breaks out all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, every discovery about the illness
is published
through the internet.

To sum up, in light of these
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
that mentioned above, it can be
clearly
said that we cannot abandon this source of data. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
things that those are a necessity for us
is uploaded
there by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and there is no similar space to replace the internet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The internet has greatly increased our access to information. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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