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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v.17

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 17
Because of its popularity, there are a variety of melodies over the world. This essay will discuss the reason for our necessity for music, also state that although people listen to universal soul more than customary songs of a country, I would prefer the latter for the reasons below. The tune is essential to us because it can relieve our minds and soul. With the rhythm and the sound, the lyric, we naturally feel better and more relaxed after a long hard working day. Some people who tend to have depression, for example, tend to listen to a melody more regularly than people who do not. In other words, when someone is tired and exhausted from his work or pressure, his mind will be more comfortable if he listens to his favourite songs. Today, when we frequently hear more and more intercontinental chord worldwide, traditional national music still plays an important role in society. Firstly, it is a cultural trait of a nation, a point features our long history also our customs, geography for thousands of years. Therefore, we should preserve and try to develop it internationally. Secondly, it improves our knowledge. It can be a useful tool for us when we want to show our culture to foreigners or be a valuable source for historical projects at school. In conclusion, it is right to say that singing is vital in our life, and I believe that it will be more significant if we respect and listen to the conventional songs of our country more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of its popularity, there are a variety of melodies over the world. This essay will discuss the reason for our necessity for music,
also
state that although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to universal soul more than customary songs of a country, I would prefer the latter for the reasons below.

The tune is essential to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can relieve our minds and soul. With the rhythm and the sound, the lyric, we
naturally
feel better and more relaxed after a long
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who tend to have depression,
for example
, tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to a melody more
regularly
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not.
In other words
, when someone
is tired
and exhausted from his work or pressure, his mind will be more comfortable if he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
to his
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
songs.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, when we
frequently
hear more and more intercontinental chord worldwide, traditional national music
still
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in society.
Firstly
, it is a cultural trait of a nation, a point features our long history
also
our customs, geography for thousands of years.
Therefore
, we should preserve and try to develop it
internationally
.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our knowledge. It can be a useful tool for us when we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our culture to foreigners or be a valuable source for historical projects at school.

In conclusion
, it is right to say that singing is vital in our life, and I believe that it will be more significant if we respect and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to the conventional songs of our country more.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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