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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 2
The importance of entertainment is a controversial topic whether it plays a significant role in our life or it's just a waste of time. While it's believed by some people that entertainers are getting paid more than they deserve and they affect the community negatively, others think this money is the result of the positive impact that they leave on people. This essay will argue why, some people believe that entertainers are being paid too much and their impact on society is negative, but why others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on us. Despite the great job done by those who work in the entertainment field, we cannot deny that their salaries are exaggerated. Moreover, the impact they leave on society is not always good. For instance, the increasing violence in movies contributed to higher crime rates than ever all over the world. Therefore, the opposing attitudes towards the overrated salaries that singers and movie stars get might be logical. In contrast, the role played by those working in the media cannot be denied. Furthermore, the money that they get in return, is also well-deserved. For example, movies help to increase awareness among different social classes about the dangers of many critical issues, such as addiction, unemployment and vandalism. Consequently, it's for this incredibly crucial role they play in society, they should be getting paid too much. In conclusion, some individuals think that those, whose job is to entertain people, are getting more money than they should because of the negative influence they have on societies. Other people, however, disagree and have the completely opposite point of view. In fact, the essay argued why, it's logical to think that their earnings might be overrated, but why they also deserve such earnings. In my opinion, entertainers should be paid well and their role should never be underestimated.
The importance of entertainment is a controversial topic whether it plays a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in our life or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of time. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that entertainers are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more than they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
deserve and
they affect the community
negatively
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the result of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will argue why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that entertainers are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
too much and their impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why others disagree and believe that they deserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on us.

Despite the great job done by those who work in the entertainment field, we cannot deny that their salaries
are exaggerated
.
Moreover
, the impact they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For instance
, the increasing violence in movies contributed to higher crime rates than ever all over the world.
Therefore
, the opposing attitudes towards the overrated salaries that singers and movie stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
might be logical.

In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
played by those working in the media cannot
be denied
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in return, is
also
well-deserved.
For example
, movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to increase awareness among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social classes about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critical issues, such as addiction, unemployment and vandalism.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
for this
incredibly
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
they play in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they should be getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
too much.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that those, whose job is to entertain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, are getting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than they should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence they have on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
, disagree and have the completely opposite point of view. In fact, the essay argued why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
logical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their earnings might
be overrated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
why they
also
deserve such earnings. In my opinion, entertainers should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
should never
be underestimated
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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