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Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.9

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. 9
It is widely acknowledged that an escalation of harmful effects on healthy body is correlated with being overweight to some extent. This problem may have been caused by a dearth of food literacy and growing dependence on fast food. In my opinion, effective solutions to this problem should be dietary education at schools and legal regulations against fast-food chains. First of all, there is a significant disagreement with dietary literacy country to country. For instance, in Japan, it is common for children to develop basic knowledge of nutritions on their early stage as compulsory education. On the other hand, The part of The United State does not offer this opportunity to children at all. As a result, the children who live in this part of the area have no capacity of distinguishing the name of vegetables from its appearance. On top of that, they account for a majority of death rate from obesity, whereas Japanese children rank at the bottom. According to this fact, it is no doubt that dietary education could be one possible key to solve this problem. Turning to the other side of the cause, an increasing number of fast-food chains may trigger to this issue. According to a research paper issued by the World Health Organization in 2018, almost every people who have been diagnosed obesity rely on the fast food on a fairly daily basis. For the most part, fast-food chains use excessive amounts of sugar and chemical condiment to attract customers even though its have serious damage to our health. On this profit-oriented circumstance, it would be essential that the government intervene and set a rule to control over consumption. In conclusion, although being overweight has detrimental to our health due to a number of reasons, there are also possible countermeasures like the dietary discipline and intervention of the government.
It is
widely
acknowledged that an escalation of harmful effects on healthy body
is correlated
with being overweight to
some
extent. This problem may have
been caused
by a dearth of food literacy and growing dependence on
fast
food. In my opinion, effective solutions to this problem should be dietary education at schools and legal regulations against
fast
-food chains.

First of all
, there is a significant disagreement with dietary literacy country to country.
For instance
, in Japan, it is common for
children
to develop basic knowledge of
nutritions on
their early stage as compulsory education.
On the other hand
, The part of The United State does not offer this opportunity to
children
at all.
As a result
, the
children
who
live
in this part of the area have no capacity of distinguishing the name of vegetables from its appearance.
On top of that
, they account for a majority of death rate from obesity, whereas Japanese
children
rank at the bottom. According to this fact, it is no doubt that dietary education could be one possible key to solve this problem.

Turning to the other side of the cause, an increasing number of
fast
-food chains may trigger to this issue. According to a research paper issued by the World Health Organization in 2018, almost every
people
who have
been diagnosed
obesity rely on the
fast
food on a
fairly
daily basis.
For the most part
,
fast
-food chains
use
excessive amounts of sugar and chemical condiment to attract customers
even though
its have serious damage to our health. On this profit-oriented circumstance, it would be essential that the
government
intervene and set a
rule
to control over consumption.

In conclusion
, although being overweight has detrimental to our health due to a number of reasons, there are
also
possible countermeasures like the dietary discipline and intervention of the
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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