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the internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. do you support or oppose the opinion? explain your position v.2

the internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. do you support or oppose the opinion? explain your position v. 2
In the 20th century, people were living with the digital world. The Internet has become more efficient and popular that many people rely on it to learn. Everything is manipulated online. I think we should follow the rules of social development and use books as a basic reference source before operating on Online. This essay discusses the points of view and why I chose the Internet as the main source of reference. As we know that the internet will be a powerful source of information in all fields. I would say that it is the key to success. In addition, everything is available on the network if we want to search for anything. Books are a treasure of knowledge, but the internet is the encyclopedia of mankind and it can fit in a pocket through a smartphone. For example, when we create specific topics, we need to go through 2-3 books in common, but today we just search the topic of google and get Lots of suggestions. On the other hand, one of the big issues facing students today is the lack of opportunities to gain additional knowledge as education is limited to academic documents. For Instance: In the field of computer science, technology was constantly updated. Therefore, it is not possible to obtain new information related to the field if people only refer to books and magazines. But, the internet allows students to access massive information quickly and accurately. Besides, we can exploit it to improve the level of technical knowledge of ours. Nevertheless, we should limit the use of the Internet for hours, because it may affect our health. Thus we need to participate in sports activities to balance life. In conclusion, Books are important for everyone, but for the fast-growing world needs to go fast at the pace of technology. However, it is necessary to combine books and the Internet for research and learning.
In the 20th century,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were living with the digital world. The Internet has become more efficient and popular that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on it to learn. Everything
is manipulated
online. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of social development and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
as a basic reference source
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
operating on Online. This essay discusses the points of view and why I chose the Internet as the main source of reference.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know that the internet will be a powerful source of information in all fields. I would say that it is the key to success.
In addition
, everything is available on the network if we want to search for anything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are a treasure of knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the internet is the encyclopedia of mankind and it can fit in a pocket through a smartphone.
For example
, when we create specific topics, we need to go through 2-3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in common,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
search the topic of google and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Lots of suggestions.

On the other hand
, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issues facing students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the lack of opportunities to gain additional knowledge as education
is limited
to academic documents.
For Instance
: In the field of computer science, technology was
constantly
updated.
Therefore
, it is not possible to obtain new information related to the field if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
refer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and magazines.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to access massive information
quickly
and
accurately
.
Besides
, we can exploit it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of technical knowledge of ours.

Nevertheless
, we should limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet for hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may affect our health.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we need to participate in sports activities to balance life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Books
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing world needs to go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
at the pace of technology.
However
, it is necessary to combine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and the Internet for research and learning.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. do you support or oppose the opinion? explain your position v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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