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the internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. do you support or oppose the opinion? explain your position v.3

the internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. do you support or oppose the opinion? explain your position v. 3
Whereas some argue that raising children in our modern society is harder than in old times, others claim that it is much simpler because of new inventions. In my opinion, while in the past children were not so exposed to strangers as today, raising a child nowadays is easier due to innovations in health system. First of all, innovations in health care have helped people to give proper medical assistance for their children. Thus, it is cheaper than ever to take care of an infant on his or her early stage of life. For example, not only vaccination costs dropped consistently due to recent innovations on medical methods, but also medical equipment has been modernized leading to cheaper exams. Consequently, child mortality has declined significantly over the past decades, especially in developing countries. On the other hand, new technologies have made easier for children to access the internet. Hence, increasing the danger of exposing them to strangers, since children are easily fooled by strangers, and parents are not always monitoring their conversations as they should. For instance, a stranger can either convince a youth on meeting him willing to do to do some harm or induce the youth to hurt someone else or itself. Therefore, restricting children's online communication can mitigate this risk but will not solve the problem completely. In conclusion, while improvements in the health care system have made the task of raising a child easier, internet access presents a risk at the moment children can get in contact with strangers. Then, in my opinion the innovations in medical area outweigh the risk of exposing the children on the internet.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in our modern society is harder than in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
times, others claim that it is much simpler
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of new inventions. In my opinion, while in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
exposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, raising a child nowadays is easier due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in health system.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in health care have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to give proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
assistance for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, it is cheaper than ever to take care of an infant on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
early stage of life.
For example
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vaccination costs dropped
consistently
due to recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
methods,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
equipment has
been modernized
leading to cheaper exams.
Consequently
, child mortality has declined
significantly
over the past decades,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

On the other hand
, new technologies have made easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to access the internet.
Hence
, increasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of exposing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
fooled by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
, and parents are not always monitoring their conversations as they should.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stranger
can either convince a youth on meeting him willing
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "to do".
to do to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harm or induce the youth to hurt someone else or itself.
Therefore
, restricting children's online communication can mitigate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will not solve the problem completely.

In conclusion
, while improvements in the health care system have made the task of raising a child easier, internet access presents a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
at the moment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strangers
. Then, in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
innovations
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
area outweigh the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of exposing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on the internet.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay the internet has become so efficient and popular that many people rely on it for learning. some suggest that it could replace the use of books as the main source of knowledge for education. do you support or oppose the opinion? explain your position v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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