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The increased availability of consumer credit in some countries has contributed to the problem of debt. Who is responsible for high level of indebtedness; the financial institution that lend money or the individuals who borrow money? v.1

The increased availability of consumer credit in some countries has contributed to the problem of debt. Who is responsible for high level of indebtedness; the financial institution that lend money or the individuals who borrow money? v. 1
With around eight billion people in the world, there is huge demand for money to cope with necessities of society. Thus, so many people have a tendency towards the credit which is borrowed by the banks on low interest and this can lead to over-indebtedness. it seems to me that problem of debt may be caused by financial institution what is lending recklessly, but borrowers also can be partly guilty in this phenomenon. Analysis of this problem will show this. In some circumstances, lending large sum of money of financial organizations to citizens by poor credit arrangement may create over indebtedness. For example, many organizations are intended to make profit from their money by lending money as much as more people. By doing this, they can keep profit, but there will be so many debtors because of available consumer credit. For this reason that financial institutions sometimes did not count for consumer’s financial position and unfortunate preconceptions, they can be gone bankrupt by low level of interest and long term loan. However, there are second responsible, who get available credit by taking a risk, were consumers. In fact, more people who have financial constraint borrow money from the banks by putting down their house or precious possession on deposit in order to set up their business. if start up business went bust, then they may be make lose because of their risk-taker behavior. In most cases, furthermore, more consumers get the credit which is reasonable in order to use them as a outside capital to put into business when it were going under. To sum up, there will be less debtors whose even house can be on the line, if financial institution increased the rate of interest on consumer credits. it will be better if borrower get the credit with carefully by weighting up both sides such as bankrupt and prosperity. In my point of view, both financial institution and consumer think thoroughly before lending or borrowing.
With around eight billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world, there is huge demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to cope with necessities of society.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a tendency towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
which
is borrowed
by the banks on low interest and this can lead to over-indebtedness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
seems to me that problem of debt may
be caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
what is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lending
recklessly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
borrowers
also
can be partly guilty in this phenomenon. Analysis of this problem will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
this.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
circumstances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lending
large sum of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
organizations to citizens by poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
arrangement may create over indebtedness.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations
are intended
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as much as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. By doing this, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
profit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
debtors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
.
For this reason
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
did not count for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
position and unfortunate preconceptions, they can
be gone
bankrupt by low level of interest and long term loan.

However
, there are second responsible, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
by taking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. In fact, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
constraint borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the banks by putting down their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or precious possession on deposit in order to set up their business.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up business went bust, then they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taker behavior.
In most cases
,
furthermore
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
which is reasonable in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
outside capital to put into business when it were going under.

To sum up, there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun debtors is countable.
less
debtors whose even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
can be on the line, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
increased the rate of interest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
will be better if borrower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
with
carefully
by weighting up both sides such as bankrupt and prosperity. In my point of view, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
institution
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
thoroughly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lending
or borrowing.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The increased availability of consumer credit in some countries has contributed to the problem of debt. Who is responsible for high level of indebtedness; the financial institution that lend money or the individuals who borrow money? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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