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The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. v. 1
Today, innovations in farming have changed citizens' lives far significantly. Some individuals believe that the new chemicals used in agriculture have had numerous drawbacks on people's health. However, others, myself included, believe that the positive influences can surpass the negative consequences. On the one hand, some people believe that chemical materials used for food are like a tip of an iceberg. One reason is that they can increase the risk of obesity. Hormones are the ones which are applied as fertilisers in vegetables or animal products, causing the users to become more overweight. For example, the rate of obesity has fundamentally grown among the U. S. citizens, who use the greatest amounts of non-organic foods in the world. These types of foods are considerably more economical than the organic ones, being used hugely by Americans, who are number one when it comes to the obesity rate. Another side effect is the risk of resistance. Using of these chemical materials, crops may defend less themselves against mutated pests. In particular, billions of tonnes of corn products were ruined in Canada in 2009 because of new species of these modified pests, reported by the National Geographic magazine. On the other hand, I give a green light to the usage of these products because of having more advantages. One important benefit is that these fertilisers have increased the productivity of agricultural products. Clearly, the more they are used by farmers, the more massive crops are generated. As a prime example, we can see the quality of apple has been improved notably, compared to the past. The shape, volume, colour and even price of it have been changed positively, and many of citizens can afford it; therefore, even low-income families are able to purchase it. Furthermore, crops are nourished by more valuable items. In many farm industries, vitamins and minerals are added to crops, leading them to become far nutritious than the organic products. In particular, had not these chemicals been used in rice, more children would have suffered from Vitamin B deficiency, the most abundant vitamin being found in non-organic rice. In conclusion, although consumption of chemical materials can be partly risky, I personally believe that their advantages can be greater than their negative side effects. These materials have helped humans to not only be able to afford better their food, but they can consume more healthy products than before. If I were a governor, I would support those industries producing them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, innovations in farming have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
citizens'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
far
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in agriculture have had numerous drawbacks on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
However
, others, myself included,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences can surpass the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are like a tip of an iceberg. One reason is that they can increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity. Hormones are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
which
are applied
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
in vegetables or animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, causing the users to become more overweight.
For example
, the rate of obesity has
fundamentally
grown among the U. S. citizens, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the greatest amounts of non-organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in the world. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
considerably
more economical than the organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
hugely
by Americans, who are number one when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the obesity rate. Another side effect is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of resistance. Using of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
may defend less themselves against mutated pests.
In particular
, billions of tonnes of corn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
were ruined
in Canada in 2009
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of new species of these modified pests, reported by the National Geographic magazine.

On the other hand
, I give a green light to the usage of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having more advantages. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit is that these
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
have increased the productivity of agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Clearly
, the more they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by farmers, the more massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
are generated
. As a prime example, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the quality of apple has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
notably
, compared to the past. The shape, volume,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and even price of it have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
positively
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of citizens can afford it;
therefore
, even low-income families are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
are nourished
by more valuable items. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
farm industries, vitamins and minerals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crops
, leading them to become far
Use "(nutritious)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
nutritious
than the organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
In particular
, had not these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemicals
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in rice, more children would have suffered from
The word 'vitamin' is normally not capitalized in the expression "vitamin B"
Vitamin B
deficiency, the most abundant vitamin
being found
in non-organic rice.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, although consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
can be partly risky, I
personally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their advantages can be greater than their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side effects. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
humans to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be able to afford better their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can consume more healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. If I were a governor, I would support those industries producing them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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