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The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. v. 2
There is no denying that the increase of cuisine production depends on fertilizers and advanced machinery. However, some people believe that could have adverse effects on people’s health and the environment. In my opinion, I completely agree with this idea. There are several reasons why fertilizers and machinery could affect people’s health and the society to some extent. The first important reason is that Some chemical fertilizers contain heavy metals and toxic element, which could influence people’s health and the environment. As we possibly know, if the chemical fertilizers beyond the toleration of lands, they may flow into rivers around the lands. People could suffer diseases when they drink this water. Furthermore, there are many fertilizers on the surface of vegetables and fruits. If people do not wash clear these foods before they eat, they may get sick as well. Besides, chemical fertilizers can erode lands and make lands become acid, which could reduce lands’ qualities from time to time. The second noticeable problem ís that Many people will be unemployed due to modern technologies. As a general rule, automated machines can substitute humans to do some farm works and it can enhance productivity. Admittedly, labour-replacing machinery could result in the increase of jobless because machines can replace some farmers. For example, in the past, one land needed ten agriculturists to plant crops. But currently it only needs one person and some engines to finish it. Even though the technology advances can boost the production of meat, it also can increase the unemployment rate. In conclusion, with the reasons I mentioned above, I can strongly believe that, the ways of foodstuff production can result in a negative impact on human beings and society. Authorities should intensively supervise and encourage farmers to use environment-friendly fertilizers to reduce the harm to the environment
There is no denying that the increase of cuisine production depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
and advanced machinery.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that could have adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and the environment. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
and machinery could affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and the society to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. The
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
contain heavy metals and toxic element, which could influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and the environment. As we
possibly
know
If " if" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, if
the chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
beyond the toleration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
, they may flow into rivers around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could suffer diseases when they drink this water.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
on the surface of vegetables and fruits. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not wash
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
these foods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they eat, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
as well
.
Besides
, chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
can erode
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands
become acid, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lands’
qualities from time to time.

The second noticeable problem
Possible spelling mistake found.
ís
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be unemployed
due to modern technologies. As a general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, automated machines can substitute humans to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farm works and it can enhance productivity.
Admittedly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-replacing
machinery could result in the increase of jobless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
machines can replace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
farmers.
For example
, in the past, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
needed ten agriculturists to plant crops.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
currently
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
needs one person and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
engines to finish it.
Even though
the technology advances can boost the production of meat, it
also
can increase the unemployment rate.

In conclusion
, with the reasons I mentioned above, I can
strongly
believe that, the ways of foodstuff production can result in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on human beings and society. Authorities should
intensively
supervise and encourage farmers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
environment-friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fertilizers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the harm to the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
environment
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay The increase in food production owes much to fertilizers and better machinery, but some people think that it has a negative impact on human health and community. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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