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Many peole think that it is important to go to university while others prefer to start work without getting a universty education. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many peole think that it is important to go to university while others prefer to start work without getting a universty education. v. 1
Nowadays the significance of having a University degree to start work is debatable. Some people believe that it is important to start work after graduating from University while others do not. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail. On the one hand, after graduating from school many teenagers have to apply to higher education in order to complete a bachelor’s degree in a field such as aviation or medicine which helps them to gain enough theoretical knowledge to start one’s career as a pilot or a doctor. In addition, a university education can guarantee a successful career and bright future. After all, many employers wonder to recruit an organization from qualified employees. Finally, many youngsters are usually immature to face challenges which inevitably will occur at work place without getting theoretical knowledge that provide universities. On the other hand, it is a great opportunity to feel a sense of responsibility and earn money which means financial independence. There is no need to study at university to work as a waiter, cleaner or clerk. Because these types of jobs do not require any knowledge instead of good personal skills. Furthermore, many people who have their own business claim that they do not have a university degree. It shows that business is usually based on one’s social skills and real experience rather than theoretical knowledge that we gain at university. In conclusion, university provides such qualifications which lead to better employment while working straight after high school enables us to earn money and gain such experience quickly. However, in my opinion, every teenager should opt for higher education rather than working after school right away.
Nowadays the significance of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
degree to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
while others do not.

This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in detail.

On the one hand, after graduating from school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
apply to higher education in order to complete a bachelor’s degree in a field such as aviation or medicine which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
one’s career as a pilot or a doctor.
In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education can guarantee a successful career and bright future.
After all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers wonder to recruit an organization from qualified employees.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters are
usually
immature to face challenges which
inevitably
will occur at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place without getting theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that provide universities.

On the other hand
, it is a great opportunity to feel a sense of responsibility and earn money which means financial independence. There is no need to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a waiter, cleaner or clerk.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
these types of jobs do not require any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business claim that they do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that business is
usually
based on one’s social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and real experience
rather
than theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
that we gain at university.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
provides such qualifications which lead to better employment while working straight after high school enables us to earn money and gain such experience
quickly
.
However
, in my opinion, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
should opt for higher education
rather
than working after school right away.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many peole think that it is important to go to university while others prefer to start work without getting a universty education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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