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Food can be produced much more cheaply with the use of improved fertilisers and better machinery. However, some methods may be dangerous for human health and have negative effects on local communities. To what extent do you think it disadvantages outweigh its advantages. v.1

Food can be produced much more cheaply with the use of improved fertilisers and better machinery. However, some methods may be dangerous for human health and have negative effects on local communities. v. 1
Food production has become an effortless process, due to modern technology and fertilisers available now. However, there is a growing concern related to the perilous effect on humans and nature because of those farming methods. Perhaps the major advantage of intensive farming is the increased volume of food production worldwide. Although this is beneficial to alleviate food shortages, these food items are often confronted by low nutritional value and the presence of toxic substances. For instance, farmers use chemical fertilisers for growing faster and pesticides to prevent insect attacks, which is detrimental to human health. In the long run, this would cause the development of fatal diseases such as cancer, which people suffer from, today throughout the world. Furthermore, another significant impact is the deterioration of fertility in soil because of the constant usage of artificial fertilisers and pesticides. This is due to, it contains hazardous substances, and its effect will retain for a long time on land and water resources, while it applies continuously for a prolonged period. As a result, fertility would decline and it transforms the land as wasteland. Eventually, this would lead to an imbalance in the natural composition of soil and cause environmental damage. Nevertheless, advanced machinery and chemical manure guarantee a high yield to farmers, which is advantageous to flourish industrial farming and later to economic growth. However, the long-term consequences would make people suffer from diseases and lack of suitable land for farming. Overall, it seems to me that industrial farming is not a viable option to rely on in the long run. From the aforementioned reasons, it is clear that the drawbacks of modern farming outshine the benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
production has become an effortless process, due to modern technology and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
However
, there is a growing concern related to the perilous effect on humans and nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
methods.

Perhaps the major advantage of intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
is the increased volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
production worldwide. Although this is beneficial to alleviate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortages, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
confronted by low nutritional value and the presence of toxic substances.
For instance
, farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
chemical
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
for growing faster and pesticides to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
insect attacks, which is detrimental to human health. In the long run, this would cause the development of fatal diseases such as cancer, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
throughout the world.

Furthermore
, another significant impact is the deterioration of fertility in soil
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the constant usage of artificial
Possible spelling mistake. 'fertilisers' is British English.
fertilisers
and pesticides. This is due to, it contains hazardous substances, and its effect will retain for a long time on land and water resources, while it applies
continuously
for a prolonged period.
As a result
, fertility would decline and it transforms the land as wasteland.
Eventually
, this would lead to an imbalance in the natural composition of soil and cause environmental damage.

Nevertheless
, advanced machinery and chemical manure guarantee a high yield to farmers, which is advantageous to flourish industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
and later to economic growth.
However
, the long-term consequences would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer from diseases and lack of suitable land for farming.

Overall
, it seems to me that industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
is not a viable option to rely on in the long run. From the aforementioned reasons, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the drawbacks of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
outshine the benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Food can be produced much more cheaply with the use of improved fertilisers and better machinery. However, some methods may be dangerous for human health and have negative effects on local communities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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