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Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view? v. 9
In recent years, extreme sports have become increasingly popular, and a number of people argue that governments should prohibit them. I completely disagree with the idea that these sports are too risky, and I therefore believe that they should not be banned. In my opinion, consequently-called extreme sports are not as hazardous as a plethora of people think. All sports involve a number of element of risk, and there shall always be clear regulations and safety procedures to reduce the possibility of accidents. People who take part in extreme sports are usually required to undergo appropriate training so that the dangers are minimized. For example, anyone who wants to try skydiving will need to sign up for lessons with a registered club, and beginners are not admissible to dive solo; they must be accompanied by an experienced professional. Finally, the protective equipment and technology used in sports from motor racing to mountain climbing is constantly improving safety. While I support regulations and safety measures, I believe that it would be incorrect, and almost impossible, to ban extreme sports. In the first place, we should all be free to decide how we spend our leisure time; as long as we understand the risks, I do not believe that politicians should stop us from enjoying ourselves. However, an even stronger argument against such a ban would be the difficulty of enforcing it. a number of of the most risky sports, like base jumping or enormous wave surfing, are practiced far away from the reach of any authorities. I cannot imagine the police being called to stop people from parachuting off a mountain face or surfing on an isolated beach. In conclusion, I would argue that people should be free to enjoy extreme sports as long as they understand the risks and take the appropriate precautions.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have become
increasingly
popular, and a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue

that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should prohibit them. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that these

sports are too risky, and I
therefore
believe that they should not
be banned
.

In my opinion,
consequently
-called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not as hazardous as a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. All

sports involve a number of element of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, and there shall always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
regulations and

safety procedures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of accidents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in extreme

sports are
usually
required to undergo appropriate training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
are minimized
.
For example
, anyone who wants to try skydiving will need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up for lessons

with a registered club, and beginners are not admissible to dive solo; they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be accompanied
by an experienced professional.
Finally
, the protective equipment and

technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from motor racing to mountain climbing is
constantly
improving

safety.

While I support regulations and safety measures, I believe that it would be incorrect, and almost impossible, to ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. In the
first
place, we should all be free to decide how we spend our leisure time; as long as we understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, I do not believe that politicians should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
us from enjoying ourselves.
However
, an even stronger argument against such a ban would be the difficulty of enforcing it. a number
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
the most risky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, like base jumping or enormous wave surfing,
are practiced
far away from the reach of any authorities.

I cannot imagine the police
being called
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from parachuting off a mountain face or surfing on an isolated beach.

In conclusion
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be free to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as long as they understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and take the appropriate precautions.
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IELTS essay Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. with this view?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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