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The incidents of juvenile delinquency are increasing day by day. What could be its reasons. Which is better, counseling or punishing? v.2

The incidents of juvenile delinquency are increasing day by day. What could be its reasons. Which is better, counseling or punishing? v. 2
There is no doubt that changing of lifestyle put a great impact on the behavior of teenagers. Due to these, crimes committed by students are increasing at an alarming rate. But, it can be controlled by counselling them or giving punishment if needed. There are many factors responsible for this increase. The prominent one is their financial needs like expensive bikes, clothes which requirerequires a lot of money that cannot be given to them by their parents. To fulfill these requirements, they start to do crimes such as chain snatching and robbery and so on. Moreover, youngsters think that no one is more than them. For instance if any teacher punish them for their mistake, they started to quarreling with him or sometimes fight with him because their ego is more important for them. On the other hand, instead of giving punishment to juniors, there should be counseling classes where they can know about the struggle of their parents to provide them better education and facilities and giving them advice in such a way that they can easily understand the bad effects of crimes or show off done by them. Because, if they receive punishment then this will affect them mentally or lead children to the wrong way. To sum up, it is possible to decrease the incidents of juvenile delinquency by providing them proper knowledge or through counseling but also they will be given punishment on several crimes so that other teenagers will learn from it.
There is no doubt that changing of lifestyle put a great impact on the behavior of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Due to these,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by students are increasing at an alarming rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it can
be controlled
by counselling them or giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
if needed.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors responsible for this increase. The prominent one is their financial needs like expensive bikes, clothes which
Possible spelling mistake found.
requirerequires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them by their parents. To fulfill these requirements, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as chain snatching and robbery and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that no one is more than
In formal / written English, it is recommended that you use a subject pronoun.
them
.
For instance
if any teacher punish them for their mistake, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to quarreling with him or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fight with him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their ego is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them.

On the other hand
,
instead
of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to juniors, there should be counseling classes where they can know about the struggle of their parents to provide them better education and facilities and giving them advice in such a way that they can
easily
understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off done by them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if they receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
then this will affect them mentally or lead children to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.

To sum up, it is possible to decrease the incidents of juvenile delinquency by providing them proper knowledge or through counseling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
on several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
will learn from it.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The incidents of juvenile delinquency are increasing day by day. What could be its reasons. Which is better, counseling or punishing? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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