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The incidents of juvenile delinquency are increasing day by day. What could be its reasons. Which is better, counseling or punishing? v.1

The incidents of juvenile delinquency are increasing day by day. What could be its reasons. Which is better, counseling or punishing? v. 1
Space exploration is a debatable topic and some believes that it is crucial exploring further, although along with many others, I believe it is a waste of money and should be better spent on exploring our own planet, which is fully unexplored yet. According to some space exploration has benefited human beings in many ways and one of the main reasons is it allows humans to prepare for potential hazards. The universe is a vast place where hidden dangers could be lurking almost anywhere. Even if one considers only solar system, there are asteroid and comet treats which could devastate the Earth if an impact were to occur. Therefore, they think carry on to research space gives an opportunity to locate these hazards in advance to prepare an encounter in preserving the race. Nevertheless, above mentioned issues are unseen and not primary, whereas exploring our own planet will solve many major issues such as the seabed, especially around the volcanic regions, is relatively unexplored, as is Antarctica. One recent news story about a ‘lost tribe’ also highlighted the fact that we are not in contact with all indigenous people across the planet. The scientific knowledge obtained from our own planet, particularly organisms that inhabit locations with extreme conditions, offers far more value than that of space. Furthermore, there are many starving and unclothed people around the world, where even basic needs are not fulfilled to expect any advancement in life through space exploration. In conclusion, space exploration is not of immediate necessity to invest huge amount of money, while these funds can be better spent on exploring own planet and fulfilling primary needs of many poor people around the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Space
exploration is a debatable topic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believes that it is crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
further
, although along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, I believe it is a waste of money and should be better spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
, which is
fully
unexplored
yet
.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration has benefited human beings in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and one of the main reasons is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
humans to prepare for potential hazards. The universe is a vast place where hidden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
could be lurking almost anywhere. Even if one considers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solar system, there are asteroid and comet treats which could devastate the Earth if an impact were to occur.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carry on to research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
gives an opportunity to locate these hazards in advance to prepare an encounter in preserving the race.

Nevertheless
, above mentioned issues are unseen and not primary, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
will solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major issues such as the seabed,
especially
around the volcanic regions, is
relatively
unexplored, as is Antarctica. One recent news story about a ‘lost tribe’
also
highlighted the fact that we are not in contact with all indigenous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. The scientific knowledge obtained from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
,
particularly
organisms that inhabit locations with extreme conditions, offers far more value than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
starving and unclothed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world, where even basic needs are not fulfilled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
any advancement in life through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration is not of immediate necessity to invest huge amount of money, while these funds can be better spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exploring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
and fulfilling primary needs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the globe.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The incidents of juvenile delinquency are increasing day by day. What could be its reasons. Which is better, counseling or punishing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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