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The incidence of crimes and atrocities committed by the youth is increasing like wildfire in most cities around the world. v.1

The incidence of crimes and atrocities committed by the youth is increasing like wildfire in most cities around the world. v. 1
Undoubtedly, the rate of vandalism has grown far considerably in urban areas during last several decades. Youth are motivated to commit more variety of offences than before, and I believe that unemployment and overpopulation are two important reasons for that. Some influential solutions, considered by authorities, can reduce this rate. To begin with, it is true that the number of violators has fundamentally grown in many cities. The first reason behind it is that the figures for jobless people have dramatically risen. Clearly, due to the economic recession of 2008, the rate of unemployment sharply increased, especially in some countries which have had a more vulnerable economy. For example, in Iran, thousands of juveniles were fired because their employers were not able to afford their wages; therefore, this group had more trends to become those offenders damaging private or public premises. To revenge the government, they have tried many times to ruin natural habitat, like firing woods. Another reason is the increasing of the global population. To control criminals, more police force should be hired; however, in many cities, insufficient police officers have created an unsafe living condition than the past. As a result, offenders, especially the young who have more energy, have found better opportunities to cross the line and commit more violations. To address these issues, state authorities can implement some practical solutions to suppress the crime rate. One is that improving the economy. Having a better income and job positions, citizens, including juveniles, will be less interested in offences, like car robbery, shoplifting or even firing the wildlife. In addition, administrations should not only increase the number of police officers but have more practical solutions for controlling of overcrowding in cities. For instance, had the New York government followed this outline, the number of dangerous criminals would have significantly dropped. In conclusion, economy depression and increasing the density of people, especially in urban areas, have led the rate of violence to incline. To tackle them, I think it is better governments not only create a better economy condition for citizens but consider some important plans to decrease the birth rate in cities.
Undoubtedly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of vandalism has grown far
considerably
in urban areas during last several decades. Youth
are motivated
to commit more variety of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and I believe that unemployment and overpopulation are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons for that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
influential solutions, considered by authorities, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this rate.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that the number of violators has
fundamentally
grown in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The
first
reason behind it is that the figures for jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
dramatically
risen.
Clearly
, due to the economic recession of 2008, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of unemployment
sharply
increased,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries which have had a more vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
For example
, in Iran, thousands of juveniles
were fired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their employers were not able to afford their wages;
therefore
, this group had more trends to become those offenders damaging private or public premises. To revenge the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, they have tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times to ruin natural habitat, like firing woods. Another reason is the increasing of the global population. To control criminals, more police force should
be hired
;
however
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, insufficient police officers have created an unsafe living condition than the past.
As a result
, offenders,
especially
the young who have more energy, have found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
opportunities to cross the line and commit more violations.

To address these issues, state authorities can implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical solutions to suppress the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. One is that improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
income and job positions, citizens, including juveniles, will be less interested in
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, like car robbery, shoplifting or even firing the wildlife.
In addition
, administrations should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increase the number of police officers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have more practical solutions for controlling of overcrowding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
For instance
, had the New York
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
followed this outline, the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
criminals would have
significantly
dropped.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
depression and increasing the density of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
in urban areas, have led the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of violence to incline. To tackle them, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
condition for citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
plans to decrease the birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The incidence of crimes and atrocities committed by the youth is increasing like wildfire in most cities around the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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