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In recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions. v.1

In recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions. v. 1
Nowadays, in the big cities around the world, the number of offences done by young individuals is increasing. These issues differ country by country, and there are several reasons behind this soaring issue, but the main reasons are lack of employment among graduates and racial discrimination. To mitigate this, the government needs to provide jobs to the youngsters and aware societies about diversity. One of the reasons behind crime committed by the youth is the lack of availability of desired jobs. Nowadays, individuals prefer to study at the university level, but after completion of their studies, they are not getting the desired work as per their qualification and skills, which ultimately involve young individuals into crime. For example, in India, the large proportion of students did engineering, but they failed to receive a job proposal, and they are unemployed due to that to meet their daily needs, they get involved in criminal activities. To eliminate this concern, the government needs to provide more pathways to young citizens so that they can follow the right direction. Another reason behind increasing crime among youth is racial discrimination in multicultural nations. The job availability is higher in developed countries, but the locals prefer to offer jobs to the native residents, which make it difficult for migrants to find employment and they indulge in crime. For instance, in Australia, the unemployment rate is high among refugee communities, especially among African societies, they are not getting a job because of their skin colour and to fulfil their requirements they commit a crime. To tackle this problem, the government needs to aware native communities about the other race and culture, so that they can give a chance to migrate people to work with them. In conclusion, criminal activities are increasing due to unemployment among youngsters, but this can be changed with the support of the government by providing job opportunities for youth.
Nowadays, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities around the world, the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
done by young individuals is increasing. These issues differ country by country, and there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this soaring issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are lack of employment among graduates and racial discrimination. To mitigate this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to the youngsters and aware societies about diversity.

One of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
committed by the youth is the lack of availability of desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Nowadays, individuals prefer to study at the university level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after completion of their studies, they are not getting the desired work as per their qualification and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which
ultimately
involve young individuals into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For example
, in India, the large proportion of students did engineering,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they failed to receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
proposal, and they
are unemployed
due to that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in criminal activities. To eliminate this concern, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to provide more pathways to young citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can follow the right direction.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
behind increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
among youth is racial discrimination in multicultural nations. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
availability is higher in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the locals prefer to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to the native residents, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for migrants to find
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employment and
they indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
For instance
, in Australia, the unemployment rate is high among refugee communities,
especially
among African societies, they are not getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
and to fulfil their requirements they commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. To tackle this problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to aware native communities about the other race and culture,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can give a chance to migrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work with them.

In conclusion
, criminal activities are increasing due to unemployment among youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the support of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for youth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major cities throughout the world is increasing. Discuss this issue. Give reasons and suggest some solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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