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The importance of traveling for education is greatly overrated. In modern days, you can still be a brilliant scholar without going outdoors. To what extent do you agree? v.2

The importance of traveling for education is greatly overrated. In modern days, you can still be a brilliant scholar without going outdoors. v. 2
People’s perception about travelling has always been positive and it is considered as major source of learning even in modern times. But, some people believe that knowledge can be acquired by sitting at home and one can be a good scholar. I believe that visiting to different places not only add the knowledge but enhance the experience in life. It is commonly said that bookish knowledge is not enough to lead the successful life and people must get the real-time experience while travelling. There are different benefits of traveling. First of all, going to different places makes the person open and courageous and people do not feel diffident while encountering new situation. For instance, my uncle is fond of foreign journey and feels cheered to travel even at short notice and unknown places. Another advantage is cultural exposure. When people go to foreign countries, they see the different culture and get to know the pros and cons of the culture in contrast to bookish knowledge where history of culture and some pictures are mentioned. Exposure of different culture makes the student think that respect for culture is important and others cultures are equally important as oneself. Finally, some countries are far advanced that others and knowing about technology is not sufficient to implement in successful manner. This is the one of the reasons that students especially from technology background are asked to go under practical training at different countries. These enable them to see the technology working in different contexts which they can further implement in their own country. For example, famous tycoon Sunil Agarwal of Airtel saw the mobile revolution on education trip to U. S. A and later started his own telecom company. To sum-up, though books and modern technologies help the person to get information about various subjects, it can be ever a substitute of travel as latter provides opportunities to see the world by one’s own eyes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
perception about travelling has always been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and it
is considered
as major source of learning even in modern times.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
can
be acquired
by sitting at home and one can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scholar. I believe that visiting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
enhance the experience in life.

It is
commonly
said that bookish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead the successful life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the real-time experience while travelling. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
benefits of traveling.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person open and courageous and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not feel diffident while encountering new situation.
For instance
, my uncle is fond of foreign journey and feels cheered to travel even at short notice and unknown places.

Another advantage is cultural exposure. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the pros and cons of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in contrast
to bookish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
where history of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pictures
are mentioned
. Exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that respect for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as oneself.

Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are far advanced that others and knowing about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not sufficient to implement in successful manner. This is the one of the reasons that students
especially
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
background
are asked
to go under practical training at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. These enable them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
contexts which they can
further
implement in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
tycoon Sunil Agarwal of Airtel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the mobile revolution on education trip to U. S. A and later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
telecom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

To sum-up, though books and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about various subjects, it can be ever a substitute of travel as latter provides opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world by one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
eyes.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The importance of traveling for education is greatly overrated. In modern days, you can still be a brilliant scholar without going outdoors. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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