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Leisure activities for children should be based on what can enhance their children academic skills. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.2

Leisure activities for children should be based on what can enhance their children academic skills. v. 2
Children spend a time on different activities such as reading, playing, relaxing and other things they like to do. It is believed that academic learning is critical for pupils so even their leisure time-pass should include the work which in turn increases their educational skills. I completely agree with the conception and shall explain the reasons in below essay. First of all, favorite activities are always relaxing and refresh the children’s mind, thereby; it could be the best time to learn actively and quickly. A United Nation’s report on children corroborates this notion and mentions that complex elements can be rapidly understood by kids. For instance my nephew who goes to kindergarten learned the basic math skills as it was mixed in his favorite time-pass. Secondly, neither at school nor at home, favorite time-pass is planned so it creates a long hours of unplanned time in a day and if these are not monitored, children may unknowingly try things out which are not beneficial. For example, my friend’s son washes the utensils in his free time and by no mean, it will help him in career development or burst the stress. Finally, learning develops the mind of kids and increase their confidence Though in starting, leisure based learning looks boarding, eventually children enjoy it and habituate the learning in what evert they do. To recapitulate, while numerous options are available for children to do time-pass, enhancing skills would be the most paramount for their future and of course academic as well. A choice based leisure skilling program can be planned for children which will sharpen their skills in education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities such as reading, playing, relaxing and other things they like to do. It
is believed
that academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is critical for pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
even their leisure time-pass should include the work which in turn increases their educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the conception and shall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons in below essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, favorite activities are always relaxing and refresh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mind, thereby; it could be the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn
actively
and
quickly
. A United Nation’s report on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
corroborates this notion and mentions that complex elements can be
rapidly
understood by kids.
For instance
my nephew who goes to kindergarten learned the basic math
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as it
was mixed
in his favorite time-pass.
Secondly
, neither at school nor at home, favorite time-pass
is planned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it creates a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
of unplanned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a day and if these are not monitored,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
unknowingly
try things out which are not beneficial.
For example
, my friend’s son washes the utensils in his free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and by no mean, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him in career development or burst the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
develops the mind of kids and increase their confidence Though in starting, leisure based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
looks boarding,
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy it and habituate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in what
Possible spelling mistake found.
evert
they do.

To recapitulate, while numerous options are available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do time-pass, enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
would be the most paramount for their future and
of course
academic
as well
. A choice based leisure
Possible spelling mistake found.
skilling
program can
be planned
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which will sharpen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in education.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Leisure activities for children should be based on what can enhance their children academic skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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