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As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v.1

As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 1
In recent years, advanced gadgets such as laptop, internet-enabled television etc. have been overused by children. However, a number of guardians suggest that kids should be geared towards to more outdoor activities in their leisure rather than fixing their eyes on any screen. This essay will explore two problems that have been generated from this situation and propose measurements accordingly which might solve them. One concern in terms of the human body is that nowadays children are adopted to stay engaged with technologies, and they are less concerned to keep themselves fit and active. Considering that they do not crave for going outside in their free time, not even for a walk, it might be detrimental to their physical state. For example, a group of Harvard University researchers has found in 2011 that the rate of obesity has risen to 25% more than before in the urban areas which is right after the invention of the internet. As an apposite solution, parents have to enable a strict ambience to regulate their son's or daughter's indoor behaviour. Another problem is that more and more young people are often getting addicted to the continuous use of their smartphones, personal computers, and so forth. This happens because companies behind the technology nudge irresistibly with new contents and updates and the majority of users cannot be disengaged from the hook, thus weakening their psychological strength. For example, a famous game called Blue Whale 5 years ago had badly influenced a thousand of gamers and eventually, the game led them to commit suicides. To rectify this kind of mistake, as children are not in a position to not only control their emotion, but also judge context, equipments or luxury items should not be handed over to them before a minimum age. In conclusion, if parents do not deal with limiting their kids' interaction with gadgets or forbidding to use any, both the physical and psychological states of these young minds would be affected afterwards, despite the crucial role of technological advancement in the world.
In recent years, advanced gadgets such as laptop, internet-enabled television etc. have
been overused
by children.
However
, a number of guardians suggest that kids should
be geared
towards to more outdoor activities in their leisure
rather
than fixing their eyes on any screen. This essay will explore two problems that have
been generated
from this situation and propose measurements
accordingly
which might solve them.

One concern in terms of the human body is that nowadays children
are adopted
to stay engaged with technologies, and they are less concerned to
keep
themselves fit and active. Considering that they do not crave for going outside in their free time, not even for a walk, it might be detrimental to their physical state.
For example
, a group of Harvard University researchers has found in 2011 that the rate of obesity has risen to 25% more than
before
in the urban areas which is right after the invention of the internet. As an apposite solution, parents
have to
enable a strict ambience to regulate their son's or daughter's indoor
behaviour
.

Another problem is that more and more young
people
are
often
getting addicted to the continuous
use
of their smartphones, personal computers, and
so
forth. This happens
because
companies
behind the technology nudge
irresistibly
with new contents and updates and the majority of users cannot
be disengaged
from the hook,
thus
weakening their psychological strength.
For example
, a
famous
game called Blue Whale 5 years ago had
badly
influenced a thousand of gamers and
eventually
, the game led them to commit suicides. To rectify this kind of mistake, as children are not in a position to not
only
control their emotion,
but
also
judge context, equipments or luxury items should not
be handed
over to them
before
a minimum age.

In conclusion
, if parents do not deal with limiting their kids' interaction with gadgets or forbidding to
use
any, both the physical and psychological states of these young minds would be
affected
afterwards, despite the crucial role of technological advancement in the world.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computers and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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