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Technology up-gradation brought enormous changes in life, consequently life style and conventional skills have also been impacted significantly. I shall explain the why this has happened in essay. v.2

Technology up-gradation brought enormous changes in life, consequently life style and conventional skills have also been impacted significantly. I shall explain the why this has happened in essay. v. 2
Many people believe that modernization of technology generated so many jobs in every sector and skills required to do these jobs are completely different than conventional skills. For example, computer programming is one of the new area of employment in modern era and it is also true that blend of skills such as coding, analytical, imagination are pre-requisite for these kind of jobs which are completely in contrast to old skills like preparing document or tying, file work etc. Furthermore, so many skills have also becoming redundant because of new technology adaptation at work places. Nowadays, manufacturing companies rarely hire the worker for manufacturing and most of the work is done by the machine or recently introduced robots. The effect is not limited to skills but even way of life changed up to large extent. In pre modernization era, people relied on the manual work and most of the work at house or in general were carried out by the human being. For instance, people used to wash their cloths, utensils and other chorus work on its own, however, post technology era, all these works are done either by the machine or major assistance is given by the various machines. Moreover, cooking style and eating pattern have altered and now people do not extensively cook but prefer the ready to cook or processed food for consumption. In conclusion, Skills have always been important to lead good life but technology implementation have made the tradition skills outage and generating the demand of new tech based skills which in turn changing the traditional life style in every country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that modernization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
generated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs in every sector and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
required to do these jobs are completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
, computer programming is one of the new area of employment in modern era and it is
also
true that blend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as coding, analytical, imagination are
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-requisite
for
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of jobs which are completely
in contrast
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like preparing document or tying, file
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
etc.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
have
also
becoming redundant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
adaptation at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
places. Nowadays, manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
rarely hire the worker for manufacturing and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is done
by the machine or recently introduced robots.

The effect is not limited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even way of life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
up to large extent. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
modernization era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relied on the manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or
in general
were carried
out by the human being.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wash their cloths, utensils and other chorus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
however
, post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
era, all these works
are done
either by the machine or major assistance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the various machines.
Moreover
, cooking style and eating pattern have altered and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
extensively
cook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prefer the ready to cook or processed food for consumption.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Skills
have always been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
implementation have made the tradition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
outage and generating the demand of new tech based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which in turn changing the traditional life style in every country.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Technology up-gradation brought enormous changes in life, consequently life style and conventional skills have also been impacted significantly. I shall explain the why this has happened in essay. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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