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Air travel only benefits the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Air travel only benefits the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. v. 2
Air travel increased multifold and more & more people are getting benefits by this development. However, there is perception exists that only rich people are getting advantages and rests of the people have no benefits. I completely disagree that wealthy people are the only beneficiaries. First of all, Airline sector is one of the major sectors in mostly countries which generate employment all around the year. People have opinion that poor people do not travel by air so it is of no use but to run the airlines employ every grade of employees which includes porter, ground staff, pilot, management etc. For example, Indigo airline started its operation from small airports in India and recruited 1000o people for various profiles, particularly ground staff, customer support, porter. For other miscellaneous work like food, entertainment etc. airline outsource the work to different industries. As a result, other industries are boosted and generate the employment as well. Secondly, another benefits for airline is cargo operation which transfer good and materials from one part of world to another. Though most of the cargo operation is done by the ship, airline cargo is used for immediate transfers of couriers, medicine and other key products. For instance, my uncle who was in hospital, was referred the medicine which is manufactured in U. S. A. and on doctor advice, medicine was delivered within 12 hours which saved the life of my uncle. To conclude, while majority of people travel by air belongs to upper middle class, still there are lots of benefits like employment, cargo etc. are availed by every section of society including poor class.
Air travel increased
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
and more
Possible spelling mistake found.
&amp
; more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
by this development.
However
, there is perception exists that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting advantages and rests of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. I completely disagree that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficiaries.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Airline sector is one of the major sectors in
mostly
countries which generate employment all around the year.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have opinion that poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not travel by air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to run the airlines employ every grade of employees which includes porter, ground staff, pilot, management etc.
For example
, Indigo airline
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
its operation from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
airports in India and recruited 1000o
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for various profiles,
particularly
ground staff, customer support, porter. For other miscellaneous work like food, entertainment etc. airline outsource the work to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries.
As a result
, other industries
are boosted
and generate the employment
as well
.

Secondly
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for airline is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cargo
operation which transfer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and materials from one part of world to another. Though most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cargo
operation
is done
by the ship, airline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cargo
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for immediate transfers of couriers, medicine and other key products.
For instance
, my uncle who was in hospital,
was referred
the medicine which
is manufactured
in U. S. A. and on doctor advice, medicine
was delivered
within 12 hours which saved the life of my uncle.

To conclude
, while
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travel by air belongs to upper middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
still
there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
like employment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cargo
etc.
are availed
by every section of society including poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Air travel only benefits the richest people. The majority of people get no advantage from development of air travel. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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