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The importance of academic subjects compared to extra curricular activities is increasing every day Some people suggest that sports classes should be sacrificed in high school so that students can concentrate on academic subjects Do you agree or disagree v.2

The importance of academic subjects compared to extra curricular activities is increasing every day Some people suggest that sports classes should be sacrificed in high school so that students can concentrate on academic subjects v. 2
Learning academic subjects in the schools has assumed a greater significance now than ever before. In this context, some people believe that we should suspend sports and games at the secondary level to pay undivided attention to academic activities. In my opinion, since education aims at achieving the all-round development of the individual, extra-curricular activities should also be incorporated in the school education. Firstly, concentrating on studies with no extra-curricular activities included would tend to make a student dull and unsociable. Often, children are made to study their lessons continuously to get better results in the examinations. However, this would make learning probably a dull and monotonous affair. On the other hand, games can revive and replenish one' s capacities to absorb new knowledge. They revitalise the students' abilities, and that would, in turn, augment their academic studies too. That is why educational experts emphasise the importance of extracurricular activities in the school curriculum. Secondly, sports make students both physically and mentally fit wherewith they imbibe many positive qualities. That is, students acquire qualities such as punctuality, sportsman spirit, and team spirit and so on by engaging themselves in sports and games. For instance, there is a possibility for both defeat and victory in games, and a sportsman-spirited always takes it positively, as they realise that both success and failure are an inevitable part of every game. Thus, the students can learn how to keep humble at victories and not to be disappointed in defeats. Therefore, a balanced approach is more desirable. In my opinion, notwithstanding the importance of academic studies, a reasonable amount of time allocated for sports and games would only embellish and enrich the various faculties of both mind and body. In fact, such a decision would have a positive impact on the academic studies as well.
Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects in the schools has assumed a greater significance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In this context,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that we should suspend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at the secondary level to pay undivided attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In my opinion, since education aims at achieving the all-round development of the individual, extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
also
be incorporated
in the school education.

Firstly
, concentrating on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
with no extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
included would tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
dull and unsociable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, children
are made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
their lessons
continuously
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better results in the examinations.
However
, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
learning
probably
a dull and monotonous affair.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can revive and replenish
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s capacities to absorb new knowledge. They
Possible spelling mistake. 'revitalise' is British English.
revitalise
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; abilities, and that would, in turn, augment their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
too.
That is
why educational experts
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
the importance of extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the school curriculum.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
both
physically
and mentally fit wherewith they imbibe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities.
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
acquire qualities such as punctuality, sportsman spirit, and team spirit and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on by engaging themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For instance
, there is a possibility for both defeat and victory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and a sportsman-spirited always takes it
positively
, as they
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that both success and failure are an inevitable part of every game.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
humble at victories and not to
be disappointed
in defeats.

Therefore
, a balanced approach is more desirable. In my opinion, notwithstanding the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, a reasonable amount of time allocated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
embellish and enrich the various faculties of both mind and body. In fact, such a decision would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as well
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The importance of academic subjects compared to extra curricular activities is increasing every day Some people suggest that sports classes should be sacrificed in high school so that students can concentrate on academic subjects v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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