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In the past shopping was a routine domestic task Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby To what extent do you think this is a positive trend v.2

In the past shopping was a routine domestic task Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby 2
Recently, the shopping become popularity among the people. As a way, they consider it like having a recreation and a rest or at least as a hobby, however, in the past shopping was a routine of household task, which was approached weekly or monthly. I believe that this extent is influenced negatively. Firstly, it is worth to note that shopping is crucial as well as require some challenge. By the way, hobby is something that people do daily or in their spare time. From one hand, it is a good while to have a hobby means to have a spare time, which is main factor for complacency. There is a one snag, after going to their hobby, e. g. for shopping, people are lavishing their money to unnecessary thing or even to schlock. That would be insensible when it is done once a year, but frequency detriments a budget. Secondly, the main contrast from shopping is inappropriate controlling of time management. Instead of attending some kind of educational programs, extracurricular and sport activities, people are wasting their time on doing shopping. People should understand and reflect what is crucial for them at all. Finally, the shopping makers are more suffered from modern mode or vague. As the result they begin to wear like their celebrities do. In contrast, it is the way by what people vanish or even lose their traditions as well as mentality. In conclusion, it should be noted that everything would be intrinsically when it used in adequate and proper way. People must avoid from one in order to achieve another. Everyone is responsible for their acts.
Recently, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
become popularity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a way, they consider it like having a recreation and a rest or at least as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
,
however
, in the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
was a routine of household task, which
was approached
weekly or monthly. I believe that this extent
is influenced
negatively
.

Firstly
, it is worth to note that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is crucial
as well
as require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
challenge. By the way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is something that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do daily or in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. From one hand, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
means to have a spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which is main factor for complacency. There is a one snag, after going to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
,
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lavishing their money to unnecessary thing or even to schlock. That would be insensible when it
is done
once a year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
frequency detriments a budget.

Secondly
, the main contrast from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is inappropriate controlling of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management.
Instead
of attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of educational programs, extracurricular and sport activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wasting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should understand and reflect what is crucial for them at all.

Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
makers are more suffered from modern mode or vague.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the result they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to wear like their celebrities do.
In contrast
, it is the way by what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
vanish or even lose their traditions
as well
as mentality.

In conclusion
, it should
be noted
that everything would be
intrinsically
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in adequate and proper way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
avoid from one in order to achieve another. Everyone is responsible for their acts.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past shopping was a routine domestic task Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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