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The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. v.9

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 9
In the past, it was common for people to have a single career to make a living. This is understandable because people in the past had limited chance to pursue tertiary education and less opportunity to use the technology to work remotely. The barriers have been removed and many people already have started having a diverse career with more than one jobs at a time. In the past, the cost of continuing education in the university or college was very expensive and people found ti unaffordable in most of the cases. This is why after graduating from secondary school, people started working. With the limited knowledge they had, they seemed to be satisfied with a single career as long as they could survive by the salary earned. Nevertheless, many people think that it is an old-fashioned way of making a living. Their assumption is that the new trend for people living in a modern society will be to have several careers or ways of earning money. In addition, they think that further education will be something that continued throughout the life. I agree that many people are having several careers to make a living in this modern world. This is perhaps because people presume that a salary from a typical job is not enough to cover the daily expenditure. This happens because of one word, inflation. When the prices of goods and services inflate gradually every year, the salary that people earn does not inflate with the consistent of the pace of inflation. Therefore, people will have to work for other jobs to survive. Some of them even do online business such as selling goods online. Indeed, I have to confess that the old fashion way of working which is to have a single career is gradually fading away in today’s society. Apart from that, I could not agree more that further education is something that will continue throughout the life. In this competitive world, a college degree can no longer provide job security to people. According to a news reported by CNN, KPMG which is a very big multinational company with a lot of branches around the world told the reporter that the employers no longer look for candidates with just a degree certificate in hand. What the employers want are the practical experience and skills that the candidates possessed. Apart from that, in order to avoid the fate of retrenchment, people will probably enrol in part-time courses to enhance the value of their resume while working as full-time employees. In conclusion, many people will find it hard to survive today with just a single career. Thus, people tend to work for several careers to earn as much money as they can and education becomes part of their career enhancement.
In the past, it was common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. This is understandable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past had limited chance to pursue tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and less opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology to work
remotely
. The barriers have
been removed
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
already have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
having a diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
with more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at a time.

In the past, the cost of continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the university or college was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found ti unaffordable in most of the cases. This is why after graduating from secondary school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working. With the limited knowledge they had, they seemed to
be satisfied
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
as long as they could survive by the salary earned.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned way of making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
. Their assumption is that the new trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a modern society will be to have several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
or ways of earning money.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be something that continued throughout the life.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are having several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in this modern world. This is perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
presume that a salary from a typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cover the daily expenditure. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of one word, inflation. When the prices of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services inflate
gradually
every year, the salary that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn does not inflate with
The phrase 'the consistent of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the consistent of
the pace of inflation.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to survive.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them even do online business such as selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
online.
Indeed
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
confess that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion way of working which is to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is
gradually
fading away in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society.

Apart from that, I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
more that
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is something that will continue throughout the life. In this competitive world, a college degree can no longer provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
reported by CNN, KPMG which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
branches around the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
the reporter that the employers no longer look for candidates with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a degree certificate in hand. What the employers want are the practical experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that the candidates possessed. Apart from that, in order to avoid the fate of retrenchment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
probably
enrol in part-time courses to enhance the value of their resume while working as full-time employees.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to survive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to work for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to earn as much money as they can and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
becomes part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
enhancement.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
461 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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