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Schools and libraries should ban computer games from their premises to stop students from wasting time. v.1

Schools and libraries should ban computer games from their premises to stop students from wasting time. v. 1
Computer games have their advantages in terms of enhancing imagination, hand-eye coordination, cognitive development and increasing computer operational skills. However, this is a double-edged sword which can negatively affect students if they spend too much time on computer games and get addicted to those games. I completely agree that computer games should be prohibited in classrooms, schools and libraries. There are various reasons for my opinion and the following paragraphs will discuss my reasons in details. First of all, academic boundaries and libraries are primarily for gathering knowledge, learning new lessons and focusing on study. If students start playing computer games in classrooms and in libraries, they will definitely be distracted from their main objective in schools and thus they will perform very poorly in exams. This will have a very negative consequence both on the school authorities and students. Hence banning computer games from school and library premises is a good idea. Second, computer games are very addictive, especially the modern strategic games that require hours after hours for a gamer to play in front of computers. Those games are obviously more alluring for young students and if they are allowed they will play those digital games all day long. This is a huge waste of valuable time which could have been used for learning new things and for gathering knowledge. Again, every activity has its proper places and times. Banning computer games from school premises only make sure that students spend their time prudently. If someone finds computer games informative and helpful, he can play it home or in other places than the schools and libraries. Finally, too much computer games can decrease a student’s eye-sight, negatively affect his psychology and can increase violent activities which would be very detrimental to the future of a student. The bloodshed and violence used in many computer games would definitely ruin the peaceful environment a school premise needs to ensure quality education. Considering all the above points, I strongly agree that completely banning computer games in school and library premises is a very good idea for the betterment of all.
Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have their advantages in terms of enhancing imagination, hand-eye coordination, cognitive development and increasing computer operational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, this is a double-edged sword which can
negatively
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
if they spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be prohibited
in classrooms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and libraries. There are various reasons for my opinion and the following paragraphs will discuss my reasons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, academic boundaries and libraries are
primarily
for gathering knowledge, learning new lessons and focusing on study. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in classrooms and in libraries, they will definitely
be distracted
from their main objective in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
thus
they will perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poorly
in exams. This will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence both on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
authorities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
banning computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and library premises is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Second, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive,
especially
the modern strategic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that require hours after hours for a gamer to play in front of computers. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
obviously
more alluring for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and if they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
they will play those digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all day long. This is a huge waste of valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for learning new things and for gathering knowledge.

Again, every activity has its proper places and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Banning computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
premises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
prudently
. If someone finds computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
informative and helpful, he can play it home or in other places than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and libraries.
Finally
, too much computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can decrease a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
eye-sight,
negatively
affect his psychology and can increase violent activities which would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detrimental to the future of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. The bloodshed and violence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would definitely ruin the peaceful environment a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
premise
needs to ensure quality education.

Considering all the above points, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that completely banning computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and library premises is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for the betterment of all.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools and libraries should ban computer games from their premises to stop students from wasting time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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