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The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Thenew fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continues throughout life. v.4

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Thenew fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 4
In the present world, there are many studies done on genes and chromosomes to identify human traits. Many scientists believe that genetic characteristics have more influence on our personality than other experiences of life. However, I argue that the impact of life experience is more significant in a person’s development. Undoubtedly, everyone is born with certain hereditary characteristics. We inherit genes from their parents, which play a role in shaping the personality and appearances of the child. For example, when we were young, we were taught by our parents. As a result, we have a lot of the same characteristics as our parents. If a child lived in a happy family, the child would definitely have a good childhood. On the other hand, Experience in our life has a greater influence on the individual’s personality. A person learning a lot of experiences can change his life. No matter under which family and environment they are born. In this world, like Thomas Edison, who had trouble with hearing at an early age became one the greatest inventor of all time by his continuous efforts. Therefor, I believe that our innate characteristics can be changed through life experiences. Moreover, the progress of individual depends much on his work hard and dedication. In reality, there are many billionaires born in difficult families or many great scientists whose parents are ordinary people. To conclude, I am of the opinion that life experience has more effects on our personalities and developments than the characteristics that we are born with. We will become mature and open-minded if we take advantage of the experiences that we gained in our daily life.
In the present world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies done on genes and chromosomes to identify human traits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientists believe that genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
have more influence on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, I argue that the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more significant in a person’s development.

Undoubtedly
, everyone
is born
with certain hereditary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
. We inherit genes from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which play a role in shaping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
and appearances of the child.
For example
, when we were young, we
were taught
by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
As a result
, we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a happy family, the child would definitely have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
childhood.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has a greater influence on the individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
. A person learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. No matter under which family and environment they
are born
. In this world, like Thomas Edison, who had trouble with hearing at an early age became one the greatest inventor of all time by his continuous efforts. Therefor, I believe that our innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
Moreover
, the progress of individual depends much on his work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and dedication. In reality, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
billionaires born in difficult families or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great scientists whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
has more effects on our personalities and developments than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characteristics
that we
are born
with. We will become mature and open-minded if we take advantage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
that we gained in our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Thenew fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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