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The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Thenew fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continues throughout life. v.10

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Thenew fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 10
Having a single career or several career is a problem of controversy. Some people think having several job is not good idea as you can not focus on them and it led to some problem while others claims the opposite thing. Together, the two would have their reasons which I try to explain in the following paragraph. First and foremost thing we must consider is that concept of work has changed for younger generation. They no longer considered it as tools to earning money. That is partly because of they wanna impact the world and people through their career. With that in mind, they attempt to learn variety of skills and experience several careers as the education is not enough today. For instance, my roommate has a creative idea and having several jobs help her to be familiar with the economical condition and learn many practical things which can not be learn by education or study. In spite of all possible advantages of having several jobs, there is some disadvantages too. Having several jobs needs spend more time which led some problems in personal life. They have less time for their family. For example, my grandpa has several jobs which occupy his time and had no time for family gathering or play with his children which it led to very weak relationship with my mother. It will be exceedingly hard to say he enjoyed his life as he was often on a mission. As I mentioned above, people are split on this idea. A recent study done by researcher concluded that people who has further education do it for their interest. In my opinion focusing on a one job and be professional on it is better than be jack on several field and master of nothing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is a problem of controversy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as you can not focus on them and it led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "problems"?
problem
while others claims the opposite thing. Together, the two would have their reasons which I try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the following paragraph.

First
and foremost thing we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider is that concept of work has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for younger generation. They no longer considered it as tools to earning money.
That is
partly
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
The word 'wanna' is informal. Consider an alternative.
wanna
impact the world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. With that in mind, they attempt to learn variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
as the education is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
For instance
, my roommate has a creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her to be familiar with the economical condition and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
practical things which can not be
Consider using a past participle here: "learned", "learnt".
learn
by education or study.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
all possible advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
needs spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in personal life. They have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their family.
For example
, my grandpa has several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which occupy his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for family gathering or play with his children which it led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
weak relationship with my mother. It will be
exceedingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to say he enjoyed his life as he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
on a mission.

As I mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are split
on this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. A recent study done by researcher concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
further
education do it for their interest. In my opinion focusing on a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and be professional on it is better than be
Consider using a past participle here: "jacked".
jack
on
Possible agreement error. The noun field seems to be countable; consider using: "several fields".
several field
and master of nothing.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. Thenew fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money andfurther education will be something that continues throughout life. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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