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should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government or should be the responsibility of the individuals to pay for the services. discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government or should be the responsibility of the individuals to pay for the services. v. 2
Government funding has been a subject that attracts great attention. Some people argue that education and healthcare fee should be spent by state budget while others think individual citizen have to pay for their own services. This essay aims to elaborate on both views in detail. To begin with, people have their own reasons when emphasizing that education and healthcare should be free of charge. The state budget mainly comes from tax payment and it should contribute to education and healthcare purposes for the sake of tax-payers. Secondly, it is admitted that health and education are the backbones of any civil society because an adequate education would help to promote productivity of the workforce and thrive economic prosperity of the country on a global scale. In addition to this, the quality of healthcare services encourages individual' s loyalty to their country rather than immigrating into another country with a better welfare system. On the other hand, instead of public institutions, some citizens tend to choose and pay for services with higher quality as their preference. There are several evidence supporting this view like people prefer flexible appointments and home care in a private hospital and children desire to learn in an international school within state-of-the-art technology facilities. Therefore, they have to afford all these services without any financial aid from the government. In the medical ground, individuals should be accountable for any treatment related to their unhealthy lifestyle including smoking or drinking. If the government cover all the expense, it will indirectly promote these irresponsible practices and hinder social growth. In conclusion, as far as I concerned, the government had better be responsible for education and healthcare activities, while individuals have to be financially prepared for a better standard of products.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
funding has been a subject that attracts great attention.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare fee should
be spent
by state budget while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
citizen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. This essay aims to elaborate on both views in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons when emphasizing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare should be free of charge. The state budget
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from tax payment and it should contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare purposes for the sake of tax-payers.
Secondly
, it
is admitted
that health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are the backbones of any civil society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote productivity of the workforce and thrive economic prosperity of the country on a global scale.
In addition
to this, the quality of healthcare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
encourages
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s loyalty to their country
rather
than immigrating into another country with a better welfare system.

On the other hand
,
instead
of public institutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens tend to choose and pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
with higher quality as their preference. There are
Possible agreement error. The noun evidence seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some evidence".
several evidence
supporting this view like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer flexible appointments and home care in a private hospital and children desire to learn in an international school within state-of-the-art technology facilities.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
afford all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
without any financial aid from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. In the medical ground,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be accountable for any treatment related to their unhealthy lifestyle including smoking or drinking. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cover all the expense, it will
indirectly
promote these irresponsible practices and hinder social growth.

In conclusion
, as far as I concerned, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
had better be responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare activities, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
financially
prepared for a better standard of products.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government or should be the responsibility of the individuals to pay for the services. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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