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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closing of all shops in town and cities Do you agree or disagree v.1

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closing of all shops in town and cities v. 1
We live in the age when technologies are developing extremely rapidly. Nowadays our homes are full of different kinds of devices and equipment and it is usually considered as a positive development. I will support this view with arguments in the following paragraphs. Firstly, usage of household equipment can help to save significant amount of time. We can see that such devices as modern cookers with timers, washing machines or vacuum cleaners make it possible to complete all work about the house in noticeably shorter period of time that it was several decades ago when such technologies were not common for average families. This time can be used for other activities like education, sport, or hobbies. For example, the recent research made by "MK" found that the number of women with higher education in developed countries has increased by 60% since 1950 and the authors claim that the development of household devices is the key reason behind this situation. Furthermore, the appliance of technologies in our common life has made it significantly safer. It can be seen, that smoke detectors, fire alarms or CCTV as well as many other safety systems have become an essential part of any modern house. For instance, according the information on the website of Russian Government the number of fires in houses and apartments has noticeably decreased in the 21st century. To sum up, the usage of up-to-date technologies has risen the quality of life and made it possible to deal with common household duties more rapidly and safely.
We
live
in the age when
technologies
are developing
extremely
rapidly
. Nowadays our homes are full of
different
kinds of devices and equipment and it is
usually
considered as a
positive
development. I will support this view with arguments in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, usage of household equipment can
help
to save significant amount of time. We can
see
that such devices as modern cookers with timers, washing machines or vacuum cleaners
make
it possible to complete all work about the
house
in
noticeably
shorter period of time that it was several decades ago when such
technologies
were not common for average families. This time can be
used
for other activities like education, sport, or hobbies.
For example
, the recent research made by
"
MK
"
found that the number of women with higher education in
developed countries
has increased by 60% since 1950 and the authors claim that the development of household devices is the key reason behind this situation.

Furthermore
, the appliance of
technologies
in our common life has made it
significantly
safer. It can be
seen
, that smoke detectors, fire alarms or CCTV
as well
as
many
other safety systems have become an essential part of any modern
house
.
For instance
, according the information on the website of Russian
Government
the number of fires in
houses
and apartments has
noticeably
decreased in the 21st century.

To sum up, the usage of up-to-date
technologies
has risen the quality of life and made it possible to deal with common household duties more
rapidly
and
safely
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closing of all shops in town and cities v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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