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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closing of all shops in town and cities. Do you agree or disagree v.2

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closing of all shops in town and cities. v. 2
It is irrefutable that online shopping has changed the way we purchase goods. Some people believe that the continuous increase in online shopping will lead to permanent closed stores in towns and cities. I totally disagree with this argument as online shopping platform and vendors of the shops work together. Also, profits may decrease sometime, but business has increased for both the shop owners as well as platform creators. First and foremost, any product ordered over the internet is usually delivered by local shop owners. In other words, none of the online website maintains goods, they rely on local vendors to deliver products with sufficient profit. To illustrate this, a mediocre town, has limited variety of product, as he has space constraint. In contrast, he can provide a better range of product online, using third party platform. As a result, the owner does not have to maintain a large product line and does save a lot on space. Also, it helps him in reducing the running cost of the shop and generate similar profits. Another advantage of using internet platform is running two similar shops from one. While, there is already a real shop available for anyone to visit and see the product, another virtual shops is running without a lot of investment. For example, many owners in Amazon website are shop owners and sell product online to generate extra revenue. As it allows, owners to ship their product to any part of the country with ease and most of the packing and delivery is done by third party. It is actually a no headache for shop owner as they are running a regular shop and generating an extra income. In conclusion, despite people being worried about the future of retail shops in towns and cities. In my opinion, purchasing goods online is not at all harmful for shop owner, as they create significant profits using similar platform and are not frightened of this change.
It is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the continuous increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping will lead to permanent closed stores in towns and cities. I
totally
disagree with this argument as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
and vendors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
work together.
Also
, profits may decrease sometime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
business has increased for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
creators.

First
and foremost, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
ordered over the internet is
usually
delivered by local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
.
In other words
, none of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
website maintains
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, they rely on local vendors to deliver
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
with sufficient profit. To illustrate this, a mediocre town, has limited variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, as he has space constraint.
In contrast
, he can provide a better range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, using third party
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
maintain a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
line and does save a lot on space.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him in reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and generate similar profits.

Another advantage of using internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
two similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
from one. While, there is already a real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
available for anyone to visit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, another virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
investment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
The usual collocation for "Amazon" is "on". Did you mean "on Amazon"?
in Amazon
website are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
and sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to generate extra revenue. As it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owners
to ship their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to any part of the country with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and most of the packing and delivery
is done
by third party. It is actually a no headache for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
as they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and generating an extra income.

In conclusion
, despite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
being worried
about the future of retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in towns and cities. In my opinion, purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is not at all harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owner
, as they create significant profits using similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
and are not frightened of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to the closing of all shops in town and cities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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