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The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree? v.9

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 9
One of the most obvious improvements, in the modern life is cyber atmosphere. Online shopping is becoming a normal service in many good and service centres that presenting their products or services for the customers. The biggest advantages which Internet and cyber atmosphere provided are applied by banks and insurance companies. Although, there were always risks and dangerous situation around these new developments which caused people could not trust them. For instance, the banking systems had to apply different methods like advertisements, training or put motivating policies for their customers to encourage them to start the uses of new online platforms. On the other hands, the criminal activities also developed in the new area and especially they have been benefitting of the people's lack of knowledge in these fields. However, we are observing today that the use of online services is quite normal and safe and especially young generation are satisfied it because they can save thier time and money and at the same time doing issues even with a higher quality. On the other hands, still there are many fields which people can not or would not do online instead of the real world. For example, medical services, social activities or tourisms and entertainments are the fields which people have been resisting on them. However, the cyber service providers have been attempting to change people's desires, applying development of the ore attracting products which new developments in the IT and robotics presented. All in all, I am sure that we will consider our word more and more in the shape of science fiction movies and the online shops in cities concur all kinds of trades soon.
One of the most obvious improvements, in the modern life is cyber atmosphere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
shopping is becoming a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
that presenting their products or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
for the customers.

The biggest advantages which Internet and cyber atmosphere provided
are applied
by banks and insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Although, there were always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation around these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developments which caused
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could not trust them.
For instance
, the banking systems had to apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods like advertisements, training or put motivating policies for their customers to encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms.

On the other hands, the criminal activities
also
developed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
area and
especially
they have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitting
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lack of knowledge in these fields.
However
, we are observing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is quite normal and safe and
especially
young generation
are satisfied
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can save
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
time and money and at the same time doing issues even with a higher quality.

On the other hands,
still
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not or would not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instead
of the real world.
For example
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, social activities or
Possible spelling mistake found.
tourisms
and entertainments are the fields which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been resisting on them.
However
, the cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
providers have been attempting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's desires, applying development of the ore attracting products which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
developments in the IT and robotics presented.

All in all, I am sure that we will consider our word more and more in the shape of science fiction movies and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops in cities concur all kinds of trades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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