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Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 1
Education and medical treatment are an indispensable element of society. Many people argue that the judiciary should not invest money on construction of theatres and sports stadiums. Instead they should use the money on medical amenities and education. I concur with them. My inclination is justified further. To begin with the first cause of agreement, it seems that day by day detrimental accidents are increasing. This is to say, if victims do not obtain proper treatment immediately then one would lose his life. Besides excellent medical care would enhance the longevity of people. This is because, citizens will not face critical incidents. For example, people in developed countries have longer life due to magnificent medical care. As we ponder further, another aspect is that education is a vital factor to secure a job in this cutthroat era. By this I mean that, one with advanced education would find job effortlessly than others. The rearmost coherent factor to be considered is that better education would certainly boost up the nation’s economy. To substantiate, Canada has wider economy due to superb education and medical service rendered by local juridic. On the contrary, some people would vote in favour of creation of theatres and stadiums. The top-notch argument they do is that those buildings produce recreation in humans. This is because, people would get relief from routine overstressed work by attending events in theatres. Moreover, this would promote, competitive gaming events in the country in which many people can participate. For, instance, London has many domestic cricket events due to innumerable sports stadiums. To conclude, it can be finally commented that although theatres and stadiums are recreational sources, education, and medical amenities would certainly exacerbate territory’s economy. In addition, advanced medical care would increase life span of individuals.
Education
and
medical
treatment are an indispensable element of society.
Many
people
argue that the judiciary should not invest money on construction of
theatres
and sports stadiums.
Instead
they should
use
the money on
medical
amenities and
education
. I concur with them. My inclination
is justified
further
.

To
begin
with the
first
cause of agreement, it seems that day by day detrimental accidents are increasing. This is to say, if victims do not obtain proper treatment immediately then one would lose his life.
Besides
excellent
medical
care would enhance the longevity of
people
. This is
because
, citizens will not face critical incidents.
For example
,
people
in
developed countries
have longer life due to magnificent
medical
care.

As we ponder
further
, another aspect is that
education
is a vital factor to secure a job in this cutthroat era. By this I mean that, one with advanced
education
would find job
effortlessly
than others. The rearmost coherent factor to
be considered
is that better
education
would
certainly
boost up the nation’s economy. To substantiate, Canada has wider economy due to superb
education
and
medical
service rendered by local juridic.

On the contrary
,
some
people
would vote in
favour
of creation of
theatres
and stadiums. The top-notch argument they do is that those buildings produce recreation in humans. This is
because
,
people
would
get
relief from routine
overstressed
work by attending
events
in
theatres
.
Moreover
, this would promote, competitive gaming
events
in the country in which
many
people
can participate. For, instance, London has
many
domestic cricket
events
due to innumerable sports stadiums.

To conclude
, it can be
finally
commented that although
theatres
and stadiums are recreational sources,
education
, and
medical
amenities would
certainly
exacerbate territory’s economy.
In addition
, advanced
medical
care would increase life span of individuals.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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