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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games however some people think that these activities are not good for a child mental health. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games however some people think that these activities are not good for a child mental health. v. 1
Children spend their leisure time with TV program and play video games. In fact that some parents don't take care about it and some people believe that it is not in good health and also They think how to overcome these activities because TV curriculum and video games are creating laziness among the children. In my point of view, This technical tool helps to children development, activities which is the not the best way. Firstly, Video games and Television channel to teach a lot of words to children and 70% children easily understand all kinds of message. This is a correct age for children to learn and think their own. Children improve their skills through watching TV shows and playing different games. For examples, Children play chess games through a computer or TV channels during the time they learn a lot of messages about that game. Then they automatically think and do something without any other person help. This type of activities really helps to children mind development. Nevertheless, 30% of children followed by this activity out of a hundred percent. Remaining 70% of children waste their leisure activities through TV or play games. I have heard so many times, most of the children's watching a cartoon program without taking any break. For instances, All kinds of Cartoon plan only create laughing activities, but it doesn't teach any good instruction to pupils. I mentioned above paragraph, it is a correct time to develop their brain and thinking ability. So we have to teach a good message only. In my opinion, Even though Tv and the game teach the good knowledge to children, but This is not the best way to develop their activities. They are plethora of physical and mental activities. So parents should take effort to grow their children in a perfect way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with TV program and play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents don't take care about it and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
health and
also
They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
how to overcome these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
TV curriculum and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are creating laziness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my point of view, This technical tool
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which is
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the not the'. Did you mean "not the"?
the not the
best way.

Firstly
, Video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and Television channel to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
words to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and 70%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
easily
understand all kinds of message. This is a correct age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. For examples,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
play chess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
through a computer or TV channels during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
messages about that game. Then they
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and do something without any other person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mind development.

Nevertheless
, 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
followed by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
out of a hundred percent. Remaining 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
through TV or play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I have heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, most of the children's watching a cartoon program without taking any break. For instances, All kinds of Cartoon plan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create laughing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it doesn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
instruction to pupils. I mentioned above paragraph, it is a correct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to develop their brain and thinking ability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

In my opinion,
Even though
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
and the game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This is not the best way to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. They are plethora of physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
parents should take effort to grow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Consider replacing "in a perfect way" with the adverb for "perfect"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a perfect way
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games however some people think that these activities are not good for a child mental health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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